The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2011-02-20

Friday, February 25, 2011

Joan Rivers, Bloomingdale's and my Mammogram

A few weeks ago I was in bed, trying to get comfy, but couldn't; I was having the usual issues.  Sometimes my body  feels like a million unconnected parts and no, I can't explain that but a contributing factor are the positions of my bed/TV.  The bed's ridiculously high (being an old water bed frame) and the TV's  low in comparison because it's sitting on a dresser.

I can't sit with my back against the headboard because there isn't one, or lay on my side because you really can't see from that angle, and if I lay on my back my chins (yeah, chins... are) so low it's like I don't know, they sit between my boobs...  Which brings me to the main point (lump, actually) of this post.

I was attempting to move the girls out of the way  of my chins when I felt a lump on the underside of Charlotte.  The best way to describe this is visually ...


That's a Quarter Pounder with Cheese where I found the lump and no offense meant to Quarter Pounders with Cheese,  I love them.  I think of them all the time which is probably why they popped into my mind when I needed a lump; I'm hungry.

Good thing I wasn't thinking of  Twilight or that might have been Robert Pattinson's face on my boob and he probably would have taken umbrage to being my lump. 

I felt for it again but it was gone.  (Odd, right?)  I was overdue  - Years overdue - for a mammogram and would call for one tomorrow but then, I don't know.  I didn't.  About a week ago  I saw Joan Rivers' new TV show and she made this joke about her boobs being so saggy she can have a pedicure and a mammogram at the same time and I laughed and thought, Good one, Joan! Me too! And than oh!  Charlotte.  Right.  Thanks Joan for the reminder!

I had it done yesterday and planned to bring my camera phone and take  pictures but seems I've lost my phone and...Yeah.  No squished booby shots.  Plus my lost camera is now sort of a huge issue .... 

The really odd thing is... Not that having a Quarter Pounder with Cheese for a breast lump isn't odd  but the really odd thing is there was nothing by the Quarter Pounder with Cheese...  However, there was something that I didn't feel at all by the Eiffel Tower. See below.


Which totally freaked me out during the Ultrasound when I saw it; not so much because I saw it but because I'd never felt it.  Not at all.  I didn't even come for the Eiffel Tower lump, heck I didn't even know there WAS an Eiffel Tower lump... The Ultrasound tech left with my films and me and my lump waited.

They only do diagnostic mammos when doctors are there which is great because after seeing it, it would have been a long wait, wondering.  When the technician  returned after checking with the mammo-doc, she handed me a pink rose, told me it was a cyst, the girls were just swell, and that I could get dressed and go.  


...Blink... Blink

It' took me a minute to absorb this because I'd already gone into hypochondriac hyper-drive, you see and I was basically past the part where I was buying the wig for Chemo.  So I had to wind myself waaaay back down to Earth.  Followed by me wanting to call someone and scream, Yay! but remember - No phone.

 I scooped up all my  excess happy and I decided I'm going to Bloomingdale's! to buy  a celebratory purse which  now strikes me as the Jersey Housewives  equivalent of screaming, I'm Going to Disneyworld! after winning  The World Series.

So here's my public service announcement - If you haven't had Charlotte and her sister scanned in an embarrassing amount of time, how 'bout this?  Make like a Jersey Girl  and go get 'em squished, then hop on over to Bloomingdale's and buy yourself a purse!

It does a body good.


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It's Not Too-Fat for Retro Tuesday!

Last week I was too fat for Retro Tuesday but things are better.  While it's still Fat Tuesday around here, it's not Too-Fat Tuesday.  Do you have any idea how much water a human body can retain?

Over ten pounds - That's over a gallon - Seriously. 

I needed a break from this unending weight business and took a trip to a few thrift shops this week.  I haven't done that in ages but I really needed drinking glasses; we were down to two Lucky Bones glasses and two random others.  Retail glasses are expensive and ugly.

It's was half price kitchen and miscellaneous bric-a-brac day at the thrift shop and since I've been decluttering I had room for  miscellany.  Well, not really but I couldn't help myself.


It was half-priced at about a dollar and I clutched it with a death grip the second I saw it.  Love.  Pure love.

I think it was in the ash tray section, not that I saw any evidence of ash trayity but I  know people used them that way.  Abalone Shells  on eBay  can go for upwards of forty dollars but I'm keeping this one forever and ever. Maybe I'll find her sister and I can conjure up something to wear on Halloween with a Hula Skirt.

This was also sort of iffy in the need department...

fireking bowls

Technically what this is, is an Anchor Hocking Sereno Chip and Dip Set without the metal thingy that makes the little bowl sit atop the big bowl but it will still work nicely for me as a chip and dip set.   I have one of the little bowls in gold and I think these will work together so much better then what I was doing; using the smallest Pyrex bowls which are a little too big if you're doing multiple dips.

These are Daisy and Button Luncheon Plates from Indiana Glass and they didn't pan out so much...


The white stuff that I thought I could get off seems to be some kind of damage to the glass - Or maybe it's something I haven't been able to get off yet?  Any thoughts?

As to what I went for...


From left to right, not that I know what these are....    Some sort of short light blue glasses...   Tiny  solid clear glasses,   heavy ridged clear glasses and the biggest ones are dark green with some sort of branch/leave pattern.  Love all twelve (I think) of them....

I suppose they could all be Depression Glass but I have no Earthly idea.  There are so many patterns I can't make heads or tails of the identification sites.

The grand total was about twenty bucks for everything...  I think I'm missing something for some reason... but oh well.  If I can figure that out I'll update.


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