The Crazy Suburban Mom: I'm meaner then the mean streets of suburban NJ

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm meaner then the mean streets of suburban NJ

In an effort to balance that kids are annoying (and they so are), and because it's more fun than a day at the spa, I keep telling my son, "I’m getting a motorcycle."  

In an alternate Universe defined by too much eye-liner and tight leather pants (without looking like a pile of Jimmy Deans)  I did have a motorcycle.  The bike is long gone but I clung to the pants virtually, by renewing the license.

  I may have settled into a minivan - And thanks to gravity; it's all pretty much settled, but that doesn’t mean I’m not the same person who owned the open road all those fourscore and never mind years ago. And since I still have my license the state of New Jersey considers me perfectly capable of straddling another monster and driving the suburban mean streets.

And they are really, really mean.


We’re talking New Jersey here; Route 22. Traffic Circles.  

Anyway, my kid was all, Really? And I was all, yeah.  And he was seriously ready to call me, Dude! and fist bump me some love when he realized  I was talking about a Barbie-pink Vespa and having Hello Kitty painted on the side. In one shake of Hello Kitty's tail I was mom again and so not Dude! and he left the room afraid I would actually do it and identify myself as his mom while driving through town on a pastel Vespa.

Which I totally would.

I dropped my fantasy figuring  the only thing more pathetic than a woman stuffed in black leather on a motorcycle trying to recapture her youth was a woman stuffed in black leather on a  Hello Kitty scooter. Period.

 But whenever I'm feeling it, I haul out the dream of popping me some Hello Kitty wheelies past Bernards High to annoy my kid. And even though I'm kidding, the kid sweats bullets.

Giant Hello Kitty shaped bullets.


Nessa 3/8/11, 10:58 AM  

LMAOOOOOOOOOO!!! I just can't quit laughing now! Awesome! You should totally keep terrifying him. I keep threatening my boys that i'm going to flash boobs at the next rock concert I go to. I'm totally lying because i'm too proper and way too chicken to do it. But it's fun to watch their face when I say it.

Carole Anne Carr 3/8/11, 11:18 AM  

I hardly think the medieval streets of my small market town of Ludlow qualify as mean, but for ages now I've wanted a Vespa!

Grampy 3/9/11, 10:06 AM  

Okay lets all get the Vespas out. I can terrify my wife. She thinks I really am serious about getting a motor cycle again.
You can keep the black mail going with your son. Teen revenge.

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