The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2010-07-18

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The cashiers I fear...

Before I go here...

I've been a cashier multiple times.  It is hard. It is awful.  A national convenience store chain gets top billing for most horrific cashier experience.

Hated the customers.

Buy a pack of gum, they wanted a bag.  Buy something for the laundromat next door and they would stand there all hand on jutting hip, Where's my bag, Girly?

Hated the boss.

He hired me when the front-end girl - that was my job title, FrontEndGirl - Couldja  die - left to have a baby.  She was perfect and  I was not.

And because I was not he went and hired his wife part time, her name was, Laziestwomanintheworld.  Her job description was, sit.

The place was hell but conveniently located next to a laundromat...

If the boss said I did something wrong and I informed him Laziestwomanintheworld did it.  He shrugged and said, "What am I supposed to do I have to live with her?"

Or how 'bout the time he saw me throwing away a whole deli container of shrimp salad, "What are you doing?"  and I told him some sort of winged pterodactyl kamikazed into it overnight.

  "Just scoop off the bug."

I mean, Hell to the no, right?

Now that that's out of the way, cut to my fear. I don't know if it's some sort of customer service training or just the people being hired but I've run into a few really loud, chatty cashiers.

I'm not talking about polite banter.  I'm talking air horns in underpants with debit cards.  Outside voices.  Voices that should be on stage.  And worse,  they lack filters.  Whatever pops in will pop out and it's horrifying. 

I just want low level exchanges.  Polite without comment on what I'm buying.  Oh God, please pretend you don't see what I'm buying.  "Good product Monostat now that it comes with the anti-itch cream..."


I long for the days of drug store self check-out.

This is what brought all that up.

I used to get cold sores a lot, a few times a year at least.  Enough that I used to keep a prescription for them in the house.   Last night I'm eating dinner and  started to feel the cold sore tingle and I just start to shake.

I don't have the meds anymore but that's not why I'm about to turn into a sobbing puddle on the floor, and it's not because when I look I will see a cold sore the size of a pizza either.... And not even because the drug's expensive. 

What's got me ready to vom is I know...  Oh I know... if I call the doctor, and if I go to the drugstore and  then get up the nerve to pick it up  and somehow safely make it through check-out there is still a chance of hearing an air horn cheerily boom as I'm sneaking out the exit.....

....And good luck with that herpes Ms. Reinhardt!


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

New Jersey's not ugly although I could do without the traffic circles...

The Somerville Circle 


Somerville, NJ


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A Retro Tuesday to mortify you kids...

I've passed this one by on more then one Retro Tuesday because it's just so silly.  But this morning I thought to myself, why not?  I've certainly put ridiculous things here before.


I know it sounds normal enough...

Like something you might like to wear  on a beach or to the grocery store.  But think again because these are the Stepford hats from Hell...


I don't actually think these are useless.  I could totally mortify my kid all year with these puppies. 

First day of school, bus stop.


Same hat, second day with blackend tooth


Back to school night..


The first conference...


And why yes, those are feathers from a feather duster since you asked..


Because nothing says classy like attaching a two foot tall florescent green feather duster to the top of a straw hat with a huge plastic diamond.  


Bringing in cupcakes...


Now this one, I would be afraid of.


Too many chances for oddly bent fingers, if you catch my drift.

Got a retro post and want to link to my blog?

Email me and I'll put your link right  here.

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Monday, July 19, 2010

Sesame coated cream cheese filled bricks didn't get me a daily planner...

Between organizing my house, organizing myself and Pee Em Ess I had a meltdown last night at Seven Pee Em.

And I'm not even kidding.

I was at the computer last night doing those shoulder wracking sob things because after ten hours of going though tons of junk,  taking breaks only for sustenance (more about that later) and to surf the world  for the perfect paper planner, I still live in what looks like a crack house and don't have a planner.

My family looked up to stare at me in a state of, huh?  And when I blubbered about the planner their understanding increased to - Um, what?

Not that they didn't notice something was up with me yesterday what with the three bagels and the quarter pound of scallion cream cheese and that half a crumb cake I was putting away with a backhoe because all the clean stuff was in the dishwasher and I was too busy to unload it.

Fortunately we ran out of cream cheese.

At some point in a cream cheese induced stupor I ordered the Moleskine Passions Recipe Journal

Of course,  it's not a planner so it really doesn't advance me in the planner search,  it doesn't have a calendar.

Now I don't know what to do.  I just wanted it so bad because it's the coolest thing ever, right?

But now what do I do...  Do I get a Moleskine calender and carry the two of them - of course I don't know where I would even got one this late in the year so - now... I don't even know what to do.  And how do I carry them - together in a cohesive 'package'.

And I'm definitely going to lay off the bagels.  I feel like I ate sesame coated cream cheese filled bricks.


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