The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2010-06-06

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Weekend round-up, Six Flags, Disney and the Geyser

1. B-Day Today's my kid's birthday.  He's going to Six Flags with his friends.  I wanted to take him to dinner tonight but he'd rather go to an amusement park then have dinner with his mommy.  Go figure.

2. Dinner  But we all took him and his girlfriend to dinner last night. She's a Disney Princess.


No, really she is.

3. Fell  We are having some work done on the deck slash porch area. During one of Ginger's peepee run's - I believe it was the I gotta go bad but first let me peepee on the kitchen floor run in the dark and gloomy hours of June 11th -  I fell off the deck slash porch area and landed on my ass between two piles of building materials.

A.  My back hurts and so does
B.  Every other part that hit something on the way to the ground and
3.  My record for being the most uncoordinated person on the planet remains unbroken.

4.  Coffee Creamer -  Oh, how I love you. If loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right.  Coffee Creamer is the only thing I will go out in a snow storm for.

5.  The geyser  The housing association tested the sprinklers at my house Tuesday.

If they were looking for a geyser, they succeeded.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

The continuing saga of the leftover ham, back fat, and the Jaunty Hat Potatoes

On Tuesday I had a whole lotta ham going on and was mid-major recipe fret over what to do with my embarrassment of pork. I mean, C'mon... I had enough to feed an Army and - Holy Pig's Knuckles, Batman -  Call in the Marines! 'cause I can feed them, too! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! It's going to go bad...

I've calmed down since then.

What happened to the ham was so dull you should skip the rest of this post and go take a nap; I made one left-over meal and froze the rest.

But before y'all start throwing your popcorn at the screen and walk out of the theater, I had a good reason.

I'm sure you guys remember... Back in November?  I didn't get my Nuskes Smoked Turkey for Thanksgiving because my dad took us out to a buffet.

I'm kidding.

I didn't even remember till January when I was looking for a frozen leg to make bean soup.   I get one every year, serve it for Thanksgiving and for months after have all these frozen smoky bits left to flavor recipes.  

Man, I miss that.

The nice thing about the turkey is that it is a way higher quality product then my ham but hey, buffet-eaters can't be choosers so I cut the leftover ham into recipe flavoring size bits and tossed them  into the section of my freezer labeled Bismark, North Dakota and called it a day.

And I hope they last me till November 29...

The only thing I made was a baked stuffed potato recipe I usually use bacon in.  I know you're going to think this one is so odd, I don't know how to explain it and I couldn't find my camera - Which of course turned up.  

Attached to my computer.  So. Yeah.

Jaunty-Hat Potatoes

1. Baking potatoes
2. Creamed corn 
3. Shredded cheese
4. Finely diced ham

 I know, I know - weird.  I love it.

Bake the potatoes in the normal way... let cool a bit then cut a large hat off the top - so you can scoop out the insides.  Leave about 1/2 inch around the edges to support the potato.  

Take out all the potato insides and mix with the canned creamed corn and okay, here is where you have to decide how much.  I like creamed corn and I like creamy potatoes so I use more corn.   There are baby cans of creamed corn and Daddy Bear ones - since I wasn't paying attention you're going to have to use your own innate corny judgment. 

When you have your potatoes sufficiently corny, mix in the shredded cheese, leaving some to cover the tops of all potatoes, lightly.  

Mix in the ham.

Stuff it all back inside the potatoes and it will be a generous fit.  Like busting out. Like think  ...back fat. Know what I mean?     

Sprinkle remaining cheese on top and fit the little potato hats back  on at a jaunty angle.

Bake at 350 F for about 15 minutes or until the tops are melted nicely.

I'd be glad to redo it with a picture and something close to amounts 'cause I realize there is a distinct possibility this might have made no sense...

Especially the part about those jauntily angled hats.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Let's all grab some popcorn, sit back, and watch me humiliate myself...

This wasn't ever the plan.  Sure didn't roll out of bed and think, Hmmm.  I'll humiliate myself today...

Ginger woke me at one and two and three and after that third peepee... Eh.  The thought of leaving my bed one. more. time.  Nope.  Couldn't bang my head against that wall again so I got up

Started thinking about my current wardrobe issues and abracadabra it just happened.  Maybe it's sleep deprivation.  Dunno.

Your responses to my wardrobe, or lack of one, have been interesting.  Some people seemed horrified that a person could have so little and others seemed to think it was kind of, I dunno - Pared down in a cool minimalist way, maybe.  I think the truth is somewhere in between.

In any case the current state of not having a thing to wear for real is a result of weight loss which brings me to the point.  I started trying to lose weight about a year ago.  I had a lot of reasons but the primary reason was I realized I had a kid who was 18 and if pushed I could dig up ten pictures of me, total. And no, that is not exaggeration for the sake of an interesting story, that's a fact and maybe there are three with him and I...One was taken after he was born in the hospital.

I've been avoiding the camera most of my life and I either had to get over that or someday I'd be gone and there would not be a picture of me left for my son to have.  And it just made me cry.

Making peace with the camera at the weight I was at was unlikely so last July I started Weight Watchers.  When I got my book I pasted a few reminders on the cover; one of me and two of him...


...and I never in a million years thought I'd post that before picture...

Yes, I'm going to post a better one in a sec but still, this image, this me, makes me uncomfortable.  Posting it online, cached for eternity makes me cringe.  For some reason seeing it brings me back to a place I feel less.  Less, not in a good way.

I just did a rebuttal picture... 


With an explanation...

First, I in no way planned to do this when I went to bed last night or...
2.  for that matter when I woke up this morning and...
3.  Yes, I know I'm not smiling, the picture process remains painful, still and
Number three again.  It's the best I could do under the circumstances because I had to get something to mitigate the Weight Watchers cover shot fast and...
D. Now that I get a look at these pants, which are one of the two pairs of Capri Pants I claimed  fit me the other day, hmmmm... looking mighty on the verge of def-con diaper pants (see below for the diaper pants explanation*) and that tank's a bit random too and speaking of the tank...
5.  I think that's a great neckline for me but it used to be lower before the thing shrunk and for the love of Our  Lady of the Laundry, when will I learn to do laundry the correct way instead of my 'shotgun' approach?
6.   And to Miss V, who asked about arm flappage - Yes, oh yes... Why do you think I'm not posing with my arms horizontal and...
G.  I'll bet that tank is five years old but maybe a few good/tolerable things really are better than a closet full of yuk.

At least that's the theory  I'm going with
till my wardrobeatude improves...

*Diaper pants - Something my family calls the pants I wear when they are too big because from behind they look - supposedly - like the back end of a toddler who has just come out of a wading pool, in a diaper that now weighs 20 pounds.  I don't know anyone with a kid who hasn't seen one of those 20 pound monster toddler diapers - and I hear from my loved ones   ( LOVED ONES!)  - that that is what I look like from behind so, diaper pants.*


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Retro Tuesday and a call out for some hamalicious recipes?

Yesterday I found myself in the A&P staring down the barrel of a ham on sale.  I hadn't planned on buying a ham this week but I caved.   I figured I could slow cook the thing all day and deal with the left overs tomorrow.

Well, it's tomorrow!

I was going through a Woman's Day, 1952 and found just what I needed but first, my ham.

I put the ham on a rack in a large pan and added some water.  Turned on the oven to 300 degrees F for an hour then 275* then covered the whole hammy shebang tightly with foil and put it in the oven.

About 6 hours later I made a mixture of Sprite and brown sugar - I know a lot of people do a Coke thing but I kind of like Sprite on ham, so sue me.

Uncover the ham, put the Spritey mess all over and let it cook uncovered until...  Well, it looked like this...


I know many people like precise recipes.  Add a molecule of water, followed by 2, not 3, grains of salt and y'know what?  That makes my head hurt.

Free yourself from recipe tyranny and chillax a bit. Wing it.  Cooking is fun, cooking is creative. Cooking is not a grad school course in Molecular Chemistry...

Just sayin'

I have all this left over porky yum and...Nothing.  That's where Retro Tuesday comes in.  Found this about two hours ago.

make a ham pay

Mine's not that big but we're talking springboard, people...

Although this one..


Not going to happen.  The only things missing in this monstrosity is the addition of cherry jell-o and whipping cream.  That would turn it into the most horrifying jell-o awful since the big bang.

In fact, I'm surprised they didn't think of that; it's so '52.

make a ham pay

Think springboard...

make a ham pay1

You can see bigger images at Flickr (just click the images)...

make a ham pay2

make a ham pay3

So I'll see how the week goes with my yummy, porky leftovers.  And report back.  And maybe you guys could email or comment me some hamalicious recipe love.

That would be wonderful and extra a-specially hamacious of you...

*Next time I'm going to cook the whole thing at 250 or 275 
I think it was a bit dry*


retrotuesay stamp

Email me and I'll put your link right  here.

Vonlipi's Favorites 
Colorado Lady


Monday, June 7, 2010

Pink fluffy terry cloth is not the new black...

I redid that wardrobe list now that I've admitted I hate those black pants and am never going to wear them.

And I took the fluffy pink robe off, too.  I gave it a lot of thought but no matter how I played with it in my head, pink fluffy terry cloth is not the new black

So this is what's left.

1.    The good outfit -  Skirt and top, for the every six year semi-formal shindigs...
2.    All-purpose button down white shirt
3.    Gauzy long all-purpose white shirt - needs something under it.
4.    Spangly black tank top

5.    Sleeveless off-white summer very thin button down shirt that needs something over it.
6.    Long sort of too young for me aqua skirt of dubious taste - Keeping this.
7.    Great Jeans skirt

Plus the Tees, the two capri jeans and the one pair of jeans.  Oh, and some tank tops cause man, is it hot in here to you?
I was having a huge tragic over this yesterday but I've had time to think it over and y'know for someone who spends 99% of her time in Shooting Star flannel pajama pants and an inside out Cape May T Shirt...

I might actually have too much.


Tazzy floats me a loan


Where does she keep that debit card?

I love my mini-pain, Ginger but I also love birdies. I've lived with one most of my life; my dad had parakeets as far back as I can remember... There's just something about those little feathery guys.

Tazzy - Her proper name is Space Cataz; my kid named her - came into my life after my cockatiel, Noodle died. I started visiting pet shops just to be around the birds. Tazzy was the neediest bird I'd ever seen. She was alone in a cage; they had to separate her because the other birds picked on her.
The other cockatiels - obviously the feathered version of mean girls - pulled out all of her crest and tail feathers, as well as most of her wing feathers.

When anyone approached the glass cage she would run back and forth across the bottom.


I went back to the store twice.

I really thought something was wrong with her. I didn't think anyone would buy her.

Than I was afraid someone would.

The third time I went to the store I took her home. And what a mess she was.


This is not what a cockatiel is supposed to look like.

They have tall, proud crests with unmangled tails. And wing feathers. She's also had this crooked beak that made her look like she was smiling to the side.  She was an odd looking thing when I brought her home.

That was about three years ago. And Tazzy's adjusted. She's still needy but not anything like she used to be. She just likes to be held and scratched. Amazing really, since she had never been held until the day I reached into her cage at the pet store, grabbed her and plopped her on my wrist.

She didn't have much of a crest for a long, long time; more of a Mohawk really. And since she loved sitting on my son's shoulder and listening to rock music I started calling her my punk rockatiel.

And that's when the digital photography started. Innocently enough. I wanted to paint her pitiful crest feathers and make them beautiful...

And the rest is digital history.


Sunday, June 6, 2010

Wardrobage, or lack there of...

Cleaned out my closet yesterday and y'know what I got left?

The sound of crickets.

It started when my dad found two boxes of clothes marked  'Tracy 96' in his basement.  One box of Multiples, a one size fits all mix and match thing and a box of dresses. Would have been perfect except for one thing.

No matter how many times I washed the stuff it reeked of basement so - Total loss.

Wanting to know the status of my wardrobe I plowed through my closet and took out everything that was too big, too winter, too ugly, too whatever, and when I was done it wasn't so much a neat closet as ...

The sound of crickets

And because there's nothing in there it was more like...

The sound of crickets - ickets - ickits - ickits...

The only things breaking up the ickets....ickits .... ickits...

1.    The good outfit (skirt and top I wore to a Bar Mitzvah six years ago) *Update later that morning - Tried this on - a schooch small but tolerable, still love this outfit*

2.    Black pants I think will fit by now with my weight loss *Update later that morning - Still a bit small plus I don't like them so looks like I have no black pants either, cross these puppies off the list.
3.    All-purpose button down white shirt

4.    Gauzy long all-purpose white shirt

5.    Spangly black tank top with cotton sweatery thing that goes over it *Update later that morning - Cotton sweater thingy is kinda big...

6.    Sleeveless off-white summer very thin button down shirt that needs something over it

7.    Denim vest from Flylady (meant for wearing when you clean, actually - But whatever) *Update later that morning - Way big and so definintely okay for cleaning but not so much for going out...


8     Long sort of too young for me aqua skirt of dubious taste

9     Great Jeans skirt

10.  Big fluffy pink bathrobe

That's it for the hanging stuff.    I do have a two pairs of Capri jeans and one pair of jeans that fit and several pairs of jeans that are now classified as diaper pants but if I wear them, Oh! The joy and frivolity that ensues because being behind Mommy's diaper pants brings joy to the World.

And I have some T Shirts.

I admit to a few tearful moments yesterday over my lack of wardrobage.

How have I reached the ripe old age of, let's say 17 and call it a day, and all I have to show for it - wardrobabally speaking - is an old Bar Mitzvah outfit,  a few pairs of diaper pants, and the non-stop sound of crickets- ickets - ickits - ickits... that now hangs in my closet where the ugly clothes used to be?


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