The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2010-02-28

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Dove Chocolate and iVillage are giving a for-real ( Nope, not a twitter) party and you're invited...

Okay, they are calling it an event but according to the invite it involves:

Dove Chocolate, Gallo Wine, decadent treats, beauty and
relaxation treatments, music and much more...

And seriously... Does that not sound better than most things you've been to that were officially called a 'party'?

 Tuesday, March 9th 2010,  3 pm - 7 pm
75 9th Avenue, New York City
Read on....


Friday, March 5, 2010

New post on NJ Moms Blog...

Please note:  New Jersey Moms Blog links can not be followed, the website is no more.  Many of the stories I wrote for them have been absorbed on to my blog.  One is here.

I want a C-Section!

Nineteen years ago I sought out every So you are pregnant  book trying to get a fix on my bloated, hormonal, weepy self. Armed with lots of knowledge about fetal development I stood in the mirror sideways day after day, waiting.  Since nothing of a bulging nature happened for quite some time, I read.  

A lot.

But before you could say hemorrhoids, I was sick of the Disney Princess version of pregnancy.  The talk of natural delivery so sweet it glowed moonbeams and dancing pink sparkly bunnies, the pregnancy good cheer; the chatter about sweet layette gifts and breast feeding and picking out a pregnancy bathing suit, and loving being pregnant... 

...And never feeling more beautiful, set me to retching.  And I was pretty much up to my eye-balls in retching already.  

At the time I read about these Cinderella Castle pregnancy moments I couldn't quite decide what made me feel more beautiful;  my pretty new varicose veins working a map of the Mississippi towards my ass or the constant sweating.
I was looking for pregnancy advice; I got strawberry-scented glitter dust. 

Nineteen plus years down the road I'm still puzzled by the articles and their singular dimension. Why did only woman with perfect pregnancies talk about bonding...  And breast feeding... And have the scoop on wipe warmers.... Yes, there were token I had the pregnancy from Hell stories, but that's what they were; token. 

As with all things there is no one way or the other, the truth lies somewhere in between Disney and Hell.

  My pregnancy, and birth of my son, involved more technology than an Apollo moon landing and was located more than a hop, skip and a jump from Orlando.  And don't even start in with, women have been having babies for millions of years and then got up and worked the fields.   That really isn't possible for everyone and for those of us that gave birth in the hands of technology instead of a doula; it's just smug. 

As an aside here, natural childbirth was never appealing to me but I had no idea how awry things would go. When I announced I was pregnant, people asked if I wanted a boy or a girl, "I want a c-section."  I told them.   Part of my answer was about seeing their expression;  but just partly.  Here's the thing: I was employed in the hospital where I was delivering.   When you're an employee giving birth, everyone from your boss to the cafeteria ladies stop by to cheer you on.

Because of some bizarre decision in  labor and delivery rooms your cervix greets all visitors with a smiling, Hello there!   Maybe that's good if it's your family or your doctor but come on... I knew the next time my co-workers saw me in the cafeteria they'd  be looking at my face but thinking - Grinning girly parts.

They wouldn't want to; it's a hard thing to forget.

See, there was no place for me in those mommy-to-be  articles.  I had a lot of intervention; repeated hospitalizations,  preterm labor, monitors at home, ultrasounds three times a week.  All manner of electronic and pharmacological pregnalia.  

I made it to thirty-six weeks.  He was, and remains to this day, perfect.  Did I bond right away?  No, actually I didn't.  Did I have a C-Section?  Yeah, actually I did, but it wasn't planned; it was more like the cherry on top of the messiest pregnancy Sundae ever.  Pregnancy is just hard for some people.  That doesn't mean you won't bond or don't appreciate the experience;  granted for me, mostly in retrospect.  And it doesn't mean  you won't be a good mother.  You will be a good one, just like the Disney Princesses.

You just might have a few more stretch marks and a bit less glitter.


What's taking Viva Las Vegas Elvis so long?

I didn't do a weekly weight watchers update on Wednesday because I didn't go this week.

I don't even have a good reason.

I've kept you all up to date on my weight loss.  I've given you visual representations of my losses but I've never said how many pounds I've lost so I think I will now.  You guys have encouraged me for over seven months now,  it's just time.  I've lost about thirty pounds. The really crazy thing is I've lost not only the thirty pounds but about as many inches (which is just a horrifying before image to think about) since that early morning in July when I compared myself to a sweating Fat Elvis encased in jewel-encrusted white plether singing Hunka Hunka Burning Love.

It's not a pretty visual but it keeps me on my diet. (read on)


Thursday, March 4, 2010

My giant chrome retro sore thumb

Did you ever buy something and love it but  not know what to do with it? The thing's too awkward to store and the fact that my staging ability is pathetic doesn't help, at all.

Every place I put it, it looks like a giant chrome retro sore thumb.


Truth is it's not even the thumb itself that makes me swoon.

(read on)


Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I knew I was hot, I just knew it....

Yeah, all this time I thought I was imagining it, but I found proof.  Oh, this is about slow-cookers by the way, I'm not hot at all... Believe me.  I'm sitting here wearing inside out pajama bottoms and a Cape May t-shirt (and not one from this year.  Or last.)  I'm a serious mess.  My dinner last night was however not a mess.


And very hot.

(read on)


Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I was looking through an August 1962 House & Garden Magazine this morning for Retro Tuesday

retrotuesay stamp

hoping to find something iconic but mostly finding kitsch.
Not that I have anything against kitsch... 

arabesque ensemble

And it has a place and it's own special appeal and all.  But this...

(read on)


Monday, March 1, 2010

Cloudy with a chance of desk chairs and Twilight Novels...

This (really, really nice desk) chair ....


May not seem like a big deal to you, or even a deal at all, but it's a big deal to me.  In the last few years my kid's broken every desk chair I've had and last week when the last one went he started on the dining room chairs.  He swears, they just break, Ma.  I dunno what's going on really; one night I go upstairs to bed and they are fine and come down the next morning to find a pile of sticks and twigs where a chair used to be.

Okay, not really the part about sticks and twigs.

(read on)


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