The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2010-02-07

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Rendezvous with Lance, Tuesday morning...

I know, I know. I hear it all the time. It's the companies that make money on extended warranties. And, Don't you know the salesman makes almost all the money you pay for that? And, You always do better if you just pay if (I beg to differ... if not guffaw at the word 'if', by the way because it's not if - It's when.) something goes wrong.

I suppose I understand the sentiment and perhaps you have better luck with mechanical things than I do but does anyone really think anything is made to last past the free warranty? I mean, really?

So last week I met Lance (here), the manliest of automobiles because my pretty blue parade float decided it only wanted to go left. Well, it would go right or left but only signaled left (even if I had clicked right) which was dangerous when you are driving something the size of Colorado. I'm thinking my right blinker is on but, nay. The cars behind Colorado think it's intending to hang a left towards New Mexico even though my intention is Wyoming. Major honking and fingers ensued.

Yesterday I was at the A&P buying coffee creamer, the only thing I will actually leave the house for in bad weather, and I put the bags in the back. The very back - which is about a hundred feet behind the driver's seat. I click close because The Float has what's called a Power Liftgate which means it opens and closes itself.

Theoretically.

Than I take a shuttle to the front of the van, unlock it and get in. I start the car, turn on the radio and am about to back up when I realize I hear birds. I look out the back for some reason, although I have no idea why but will be grateful forever because all I see is parking lot back there.... No door. I figure I didn't close it, I say, huh to myself shut off the float and shut the back. I listen to it go....

Beeep....beeep.... beeep....

As it closes until it's almost shut and than all of a sudden I hear...

Beeep....beeep.... beeep.... again.


And I'm watching the door go back up again but this time I'm not saying huh I'm saying, nooooooooo. Oh, noooooooo. Nooooooooo. Noooooooooo. And after repeating the whole thing 5 or 6 times all the while trying to figure out how they will ever tow something the size of a PT Boat somewhere with the back door up, it closed and latched.

All the way home I'm thinking about having to get that stuff out again but, no it worked that time. So I called and made an appointment on Tuesday to bring my pretty blue parade float, who I named by the way...

pandora


...back to the dealer. Again. Again. Again. And even though it's free (Free, people. Free is a beautiful price and it's free because of the extended warranty I stupidly bought and that included the two day rental of Lance. That last repair would have been $303 and it was only a blinker relay switch can you imagine how much the Power Liftgate is going to be?) ... Where was I.... Oh.... Free except for the $5 a day Terrorist something or other tax on the rental car plus gas it's still kind of chafing. But not nearly as chafing as if I didn't buy the extended warranty. That would be truly horrible. No worse than horrible. That would be just something so epically dreadful that I can't even go there on a week I cut the end of my finger off.

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Friday, February 12, 2010

Hearing you're getting Percocet isn't the best thing about cutting off the end of your finger...

It's hearing you didn't mini-me the end of your finger-bone, too.

Wait, let me back up...

Seems I can't ever to go to my doctor for anything normal. You know what I mean? A cold, a migraine, a nice case of intractable diarrhea, perhaps? But no... The last thing that woman saw me for was The Cyst Named Verna.

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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Vintage Linens, it's a sickness I tell you...

Colorado Lady does Vintage Thingies Thursday every week and I love it.

It's so much fun to go and see what everyone posts and to share my things. Estate sales, thrifting... all that stuff can get to be sort of an obsession and the nice thing about VTT is you can hop around the Internet and see all the things that you promised yourself you WILL NOT BUY. No I will not collect one more thing, no I won't cross my heart. I will not buy it, I won't hide it in the trunk of my car or stash it in my closet... I won't even buy it just to sell it which I have even though I promised myself and my family I would not and apparently....

I lied.

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

And because my finger business isn't rediculous enough...

A blizzard warning...

I mean, really. Do I live in the Arctic circle? I get weather bulletins on my cell and I wake up to this...

A BLIZZARD WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL MIDNIGHT

And so I read on...

A MIXTURE OF RAIN, SLEET, FREEZING RAIN, AND SNOW HAS BEGUN TO CHANGE TO ALL SNOW LATE THIS MORNING AND WILL CONTINUE THIS AFTERNOON AS THE STORM MOVES NORTHWARD. THIS WILL CAUSE WINDS TO BACK TO NORTHEAST AND NORTH AND BRING COLDER AIR INTO THE REGION. WITH HEAVY SNOW EXPECTED TO DECREASE VISIBILITIES, AND STRONG WINDS GUSTING TO 35 TO 45 MILES AN HOUR THIS AFTERNOON, BLIZZARD CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED AT TIMES MAINLY FROM ABOUT MIDDAY AND THROUGH THE AFTERNOON, POSSIBLY PERSISTING INTO EARLY TONIGHT

and on...

TOTAL SNOW ACCUMULATIONS ARE EXPECTED TO RANGE FROM 12 TO 22 INCHES INTO EARLY TONIGHT

and on...

BLIZZARD CONDITIONS ARE RARE FOR OUR AREA, SO IT IS LIKELY THAT PEOPLE WILL NOT REALIZE THE PERIL THAT EXISTS IN VENTURING OUT IN SUCH STORMS. LIFE-THREATENING CONDITIONS ARE POSSIBLE, AND DRIVING WILL BE HAZARDOUS AT BEST DURING THIS WINTER STORM TODAY AND EARLY TONIGHT. IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT TRAVEL BE CURTAILED DUE TO THE DANGEROUS CONDITIONS, AND ONLY DRIVE IF IT IS TRULY AN EMERGENCY SITUATION

And really, I just can't read on even though there is more (things like HAVE A WINTER SURVIVAL KIT WITH YOU, for example) but I am just done.

I am all, Ginger, go ahead and pee-pee in the house - Which she's fine with. Not that she would notice the difference; pee-peeing in the house is what she lives for.

And so all that's left is just to reiterate what I said in this mornings Wordless Wednesday post...

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I get it, it's still winter


But as the sign says...

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STOP!
(enough already)


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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Think Pink and Don't be Grandma on Retro Tuesday

retrotuesay stamp

I was looking through a magazine this morning I hadn't looked at for quite some time. American Home (1948) was very much an interior decorating magazine; from the features to the ads to the projects - All home.

I've always noticed how the pink, aqua and yellow thing seemed to run through entire magazines in the 50's and early 60's but I'd not noticed that this was true of other decades and color schemes, too.

In fact, after this morning I'm beginning to think this
combination was the precursor of pink, aqua and yellow.

glo-coat-1948

In so many ads and features there was a similar color palette; red (geranium red, actually), yellow and a green or blue.

old-english-wax 19481

The styles of the rooms were different but the colors
were remarkably consistent.

stcharles-kitchen19481

Page after page... Ad after ad...

american-kitchens 19481

And not just ads, and not just kitchens.
Geranium, green, yellow....

1948livingroom


The really interesting thing though is this ad.

canontowels


Totally different. This ad for Cannon Towels was the entire inside front cover and the only thing I saw advertised that was pink. And just look at the message - Don't be Grandma. (Basically.) Be new, be modern...Be... Well, pink. Right? That ad placement had to be the most expensive in the magazine and in full color, too - At a time when many ads were black and white or single color.

It's almost strange if you think about it. All the color palettes in the magazine are amazingly similar except this Cannon ad - even the green is a 'bit' different. Fresher maybe? Bluer... The red is more coral than red.... And the pink. Totally new. Don't be Grandma.

It's the first thing you would see when opening the magazine and even though everything you will see after it is entirely different (Read: old fashioned) you are reminded that you are a modern woman. Don't forget you're different. Pink. Pink. Pink....




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Monday, February 8, 2010

Condoms, kitty litter, and spinach dip...

Since my bleeding's down to a wimper I saw what the knife wound looked like last night and it was worse than I thought. Seriously gross and disgusting. What is gone is twice the size I imagined which I suppose explains the four day bleeding fest but at least now I only need Band-aids...

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And the condom...

Technically called a finger cot. It keeps the finger dry and keeps pressure on although so much pressure, it's not so much throbbing as detonating.

Since there are so many nerve endings in your fingertips - which by the way have perhaps more nerve receptors than any place on your body - the pain isn't just there but referring all over the whole finger.


And of course what we need after hearing about condoms, knife wounds, and the magnitude of grossiosity that used to be my finger is a recipe.

A major casualty of this whole fa-la-la was my Spinach Dip.

spinich dip

Well, not my Spinach Dip, Knorr's Spinach Dip.

Mine didn't come out pretty like that picture this year for reason's I'll explain in a minute. Every year during Superbowl (and most other get-togethers) I make Knorr's spinach dip and serve it in a round loaf of bread although you don't have to serve it in the bread. This stuff rocks so delicious you could serve it in a litter box and people would eat it.

And I know what you're thinking. NO WAY! That's an exaggeration! But being someone who served a kitty litter cake ....

kitty litter cake

...in a litter box with a litter scoop I know very well that people will eat directly from a litter box.

Where was I?

1 (10 oz.) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
1 container (16 oz.) sour cream ( I use light)
1 cup Mayonnaise (I use light)
1 package Knorr® Vegetable recipe mix
1 can (8 oz.) water chestnuts, drained and chopped
3 green onions, chopped

Combine all ingredients and chill about 2 hours (I've chilled overnight). Serve with your favorite dippers (I serve with sliced bread, raw veggies and chips).

I love this and so does everyone else. I usually make two recipes-worth because it always goes first. This year I made it but I couldn't really cut things up well (with a knife) so I did all the prep with my Kitchen Ninja.

It would have been fine if I just used it for prep instead of actually mixing and I knew it when I was doing it. My kitchen ninja can crush ice; what made me think I could mix the dip without turning it to pulp...Must have been the blood loss.

So, while the dip tasted as good as ever.... it had an odd pulpous, sodden quality happening that wasn't especially appealing.

Live and learn and may you never have to eat mucilaginous dip...

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Sunday, February 7, 2010

As much as Ginger likes watching The Superbowl...

It's even more fun if....

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she can watch ...

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From under a giant pile of fresh out of the dryer laundry


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