The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2010-01-31

Saturday, February 6, 2010

A rediculous week

Right after I got my van back I was cooking and I have some very sharp knives and my mind was otherwise occupied and to make a long story short because typing with one hand isn't my forte...


I all but cut the top of my ring finger off and no...

I'm so not kidding. That's the smallest dressing I've had on it so far. Mostly I just wrap it and keep it up so it doesn't bleed and hope it just knits over somehow. Every time I change the bandage it's like starting over - Blood everywhere - and banging on the keys doesn't help much either. So yes, Ow! if you were wondering.

I haven't quit blogging and I don't have blogger's burn-out or anything dramatic I am just trying to keep the likelihood of a transfusion to a minimum.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Lance the Jeep, A automotive fairy tale

I know a lot of people think extended warranties are a waste of money but I almost always get them. This is the first time I've ever gotten one on a car (well, van) though.

See, I took one look at all the electrical fa-la-la in my big pretty teal parade float and nearly wet my pants. And when the salesman told me one of the doors (that open and close by themselves with the push of a button) had already been replaced I ran screaming for (a very expensive) all inclusive long term warranty.

My big pretty teal parade float had a few days left on the power train warranty when my left turn signal started going off, exclusively. No matter which direction I wanted to turn my big float signaled left. Fortunately I'd already turned that into an everything but the tires and windshield warranty.

So I clapped my hands with glee and brought it in because my extended warranty also includes a rental.

I'm thinking a small tuna can of a rental but nope, I can actually have another van if I want but I don't. The last thing I want to do is have to learn a whole set of new blind spots again. Honestly - that is a downside to diving a big pretty teal parade float. So I ask for something mid-sized having gotten creamed in the smallest car known to man (in the form of a rental) in '96 by a Jeep Grand Cherokee. The Geo Metro (and sorta me too) was totaled the Cherokee was undamaged.

I'm thinking they will hand me the keys to a car with, I don't know girly parts. Lighted vanity mirrors... Seat heaters... Maybe a gps with a lady voice. Nope. They hand me the keys to a Fire Engine Red Jeep Liberty Trailblazer. Half the size of my pretty teal float with a bigger engine. And tires.


It was an automatic transmission but had three (excessively phallic) sticks in the middle and shot testosterone through the bottom of my right foot every time I hit the gas pedal. Swear. I totally need electrolysis.

Well, okay. I needed it anyway but not on my chest.

It was an experience. I don't drive fast but I do pass sometimes. I went to pass this truck on Tuesday... Not so much because it was going slow but because all this schmutz was flying out the back. So I step on Lance's (Oh, I named the jeep) gas pedal and for a second nothing happened except the tachometer needle zoomed up and than Lance growled and the next thing I know I'm speeding past the schmutz spewing truck at light speed.

And I was all, Whoa.

I never quite understood the whole car/guy thing until than. But I can see the appeal...

I returned the car yesterday afternoon, kind of sad. I'm going to miss Lance. I said to the guy at the Rental Desk, I thought you were going to give me a girly car. That's the manliest car I ever drove.

He laughed and said, You could have had a van.

I said, Oh, I didn't want a van but I for sure wasn't expecting a car that insisted on putting it's beer down before it accelerated...

I made rental dude blush.

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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Retro Tuesday for the masses...

retrotuesay stamp

I saw this ad about a week ago and I couldn't put it out of my mind.


I wasn't getting the connection was kinda insulting.


Took me a while to figure out what bugged me...

I think I finally have it. I'd lumped vintage magazines in much broader categories than they were really in. I'd considered a woman's magazine a magazine aimed at ALL woman but looking at the magazine that this ad came from I realize that I was mistaken.

In the past I've taken pictures out of woman's magazines that included original painting done by Mark Rothko


And other woman's magazines with bathrooms designed by Pietro Belluschi

1955 clay tile ad

When I posted them we all commented that we'd never seen a room that fabulous in real life. They were perfectly fabulous (and perfectly period) but no one had ever really seen a room like that.

The Creamettes ad was in a (new magazine for me) Woman's Day 1963 and after looking it over (and over and over) again I think some woman's magazines were made to appeal to one group of women and other magazines; other women. And this Woman's Day seems to be going for a woman who is never going to hang a Rothko in her living room or will have the leader of the modern movement in architecture design her bathroom. Woman's Day was going for the masses, the everyday woman...

She didn't even have the thing all those women in 60's screwball sitcoms wanted - A mink. So she served Creamettes to make her feel like she did.

I went through the magazines to peek at the interior designs.


And they were different too.


Much less sophisticated...


And more likely to be a home I might have visited.


Although I still found the colors a bit migraine inducing.


I do remember homes with this matchy-matchy
pattern frenzy thing (made 1000 times worse if
it was done in flocked wall paper).

I was always afraid I'd have a seizure in rooms like this.

Want to join me on Retro Tuesday?

Link to my blog and post your retro post here!


Monday, February 1, 2010

I'm combining my Weekly Weight Watcher Update with a giveaway!

To celebrate this weeks weight loss I bought the domain name The Crazy Suburban Mom in Her Underpants Dot Com... and it looks like I'll need to start using that site anytime now. Dieting is a strange, strange thing but I'll tell ya something. For everything I lose I need like, three things - Clothes for example. And who knew prices had increased so much since the 80's?

Are shoulder pads still in fashion by the way?

Throwing out all those clothes that didn't fit back in the Jersey Shore Declutter Fest of 2008 and the Jamaican Declutter Fest of 2009 and the Day 22, No Car Declutter Hammers O' Doom Fest turned out to be a bit short sighted.

Pretty much what I am left with is two pairs of jeans and a jeans skirt. And perhaps a pair of black pants if I'm ever called on to look elegant but since that has yet to happen - I don't really know.

Shirts I have since no matter how big a shirt is you never look like you are wearing a loaded diaper because of it. The same can not be said for my pants; most of which have been renamed 'diaper pants' and I am no longer allowed to wear.

So. When Progresso through My Blog Spark asked me if I wanted to participate in the Souper You Debut it seemed desperately timely. First in involved them sending me something I already eat and have posted about; Progresso light soups, a GIANT mug that I love to pieces and a jump rope. And second they have this make-over contest going on...

765 Prog Souper You KVE

Three grand prize winners will be awarded a trip for two to New York City from May 21st-23rd. The prize includes roundtrip airfare, a two-night stay in a NYC hotel, a full makeover, a $1,000 wardrobe shopping spree and personal consultation at a New York department store.

Entry details are here

I didn't know if I was going to enter because in the unlikely event I won it involved... Ya know, actually leaving my house. Being social. Meeting people. And at the top of the dreaded list - Getting my picture taken. But as I posted on July 11 the real reason I want to lose weight is about getting my picture taken (here). There are probably 5 pictures of my son and I because I run from cameras, so maybe this is exactly what I need.

Maybe, I don't know... Anyway. After you comment for the giveaway go enter for yourself because....

Progresso through My Blogspark is providing this as a giveaway so post a comment in my comment section...


By Midnight Feb 10 Eastern Time
Contest is open to US Residents only.


It is what it is...

"It was very strange the first time I put it on. I laughed and I cried. It was very intense. I went into public with it on, down in the lobby of the hotel where I tried it on, and people wouldn't even look at me, wouldn't make eye contact with me at all. I felt no sexual energy from men. Normally, in the film, I have all these tiny little clothes on, but when I come to the set with the suit on and feel none of that, it is palpable."

That's a quote from Gwyneth Paltrow. She's talking about the fir
st time she put on the fat suit she had to wear for the movie Shallow Hal. I'd heard that quote before and went looking for it this morning - Google is a wondrous and miraculous thing.

Many people gave her heaps of grief over that statement. Some considering it at the tippy-top of the list of offensive celebrity fat suit comments. Why?

Isn't that the way it is? And wouldn't it be shocking to someone who had never experienced it.

And looking at a picture of her in and out of the suit can anyone say that isn't exactly the way it went down?

No, it's probably not PC to say that. But that is the truth. Everyday. For millions of people, that is the truth.

Fair, not fair... It's still the truth and the truth is what it is.


Old El Paso Giveaway Winner!

The winner of the Old El Paso Giveaway is Number 1, Sandy!

OEP Green Chiles FINAL

It pays to get in there first sometimes!
You and your family are gonna love the
big football dish, it's so much fun!


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