The Crazy Suburban Mom: Let's all grab some popcorn, sit back, and watch me humiliate myself...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Let's all grab some popcorn, sit back, and watch me humiliate myself...

This wasn't ever the plan.  Sure didn't roll out of bed and think, Hmmm.  I'll humiliate myself today...

Ginger woke me at one and two and three and after that third peepee... Eh.  The thought of leaving my bed one. more. time.  Nope.  Couldn't bang my head against that wall again so I got up

Started thinking about my current wardrobe issues and abracadabra it just happened.  Maybe it's sleep deprivation.  Dunno.

Your responses to my wardrobe, or lack of one, have been interesting.  Some people seemed horrified that a person could have so little and others seemed to think it was kind of, I dunno - Pared down in a cool minimalist way, maybe.  I think the truth is somewhere in between.

In any case the current state of not having a thing to wear for real is a result of weight loss which brings me to the point.  I started trying to lose weight about a year ago.  I had a lot of reasons but the primary reason was I realized I had a kid who was 18 and if pushed I could dig up ten pictures of me, total. And no, that is not exaggeration for the sake of an interesting story, that's a fact and maybe there are three with him and I...One was taken after he was born in the hospital.

I've been avoiding the camera most of my life and I either had to get over that or someday I'd be gone and there would not be a picture of me left for my son to have.  And it just made me cry.

Making peace with the camera at the weight I was at was unlikely so last July I started Weight Watchers.  When I got my book I pasted a few reminders on the cover; one of me and two of him...


...and I never in a million years thought I'd post that before picture...

Yes, I'm going to post a better one in a sec but still, this image, this me, makes me uncomfortable.  Posting it online, cached for eternity makes me cringe.  For some reason seeing it brings me back to a place I feel less.  Less, not in a good way.

I just did a rebuttal picture... 


With an explanation...

First, I in no way planned to do this when I went to bed last night or...
2.  for that matter when I woke up this morning and...
3.  Yes, I know I'm not smiling, the picture process remains painful, still and
Number three again.  It's the best I could do under the circumstances because I had to get something to mitigate the Weight Watchers cover shot fast and...
D. Now that I get a look at these pants, which are one of the two pairs of Capri Pants I claimed  fit me the other day, hmmmm... looking mighty on the verge of def-con diaper pants (see below for the diaper pants explanation*) and that tank's a bit random too and speaking of the tank...
5.  I think that's a great neckline for me but it used to be lower before the thing shrunk and for the love of Our  Lady of the Laundry, when will I learn to do laundry the correct way instead of my 'shotgun' approach?
6.   And to Miss V, who asked about arm flappage - Yes, oh yes... Why do you think I'm not posing with my arms horizontal and...
G.  I'll bet that tank is five years old but maybe a few good/tolerable things really are better than a closet full of yuk.

At least that's the theory  I'm going with
till my wardrobeatude improves...

*Diaper pants - Something my family calls the pants I wear when they are too big because from behind they look - supposedly - like the back end of a toddler who has just come out of a wading pool, in a diaper that now weighs 20 pounds.  I don't know anyone with a kid who hasn't seen one of those 20 pound monster toddler diapers - and I hear from my loved ones   ( LOVED ONES!)  - that that is what I look like from behind so, diaper pants.*


Vonlipi 6/9/10, 7:52 AM  

Tracy1 My beautiful crazy friend! You have a lot of courage, yes you do!

I would've never ,ever,ever recognized you in the jeans overalls...You are quite the babe in the other pic but please pretty PLEASE smile!

And ditch the capris...they are definitely diaperish!

The Crazy Suburban Mom 6/9/10, 7:53 AM  

Well, you - are seriously kind. Seriously.

But on the diaper thing.

Yeah. Defiantly striking def-con diaper and sheesh.

Da Dude 6/9/10, 8:04 AM  

Please don't shrink too much. You are beautiful. A lady I worked with lost 70 pounds and got to her goal weight. She was miserable and there is nothing worse than a miserable lawyer. She gained about half the weight back and was happy. She still maintains about 30 pounds over her goal weight but appears to be a happier person.

heidi 6/9/10, 8:15 AM  

i'm always on the fence myself. so to put me in my place i think, my weight just might be someone else's goal, even if their goal is a hundred and blank lbs. you look fabby. i, too hang out [sometimes literally] in tanks all summer...and am as unphotogenic as hell. you go-go girl! keep on keepin' on with whatever works!

Vintage Christine 6/9/10, 8:22 AM  

I fought the fat all my life. Now I'm old and the fat seems to have won. Eh. I'm happy anyway. My former mother-in-law used to tell me how beautiful I was--but she only said this when I'd lost weight. Then I'd pork up and suddenly I wasn't beautiful anymore? Didn't like her much, glad she's an EX.

The Crazy Suburban Mom 6/9/10, 8:50 AM  

DaDude - Well, thank you, so much - and no, not planning on losing and losing and losing. I only want to lose enough to make friends with the lens.

Heidi - NOT photogenic at all, oh man. I don't get a lot of great shots at all. Weights just such a hard issue for everyone

Christine - man thats a familiar story. I have def. had people be like that with me...oh man.

Mimi 6/9/10, 9:37 AM  

I'm standing up and clapping for you! Do your thing, girl. I am embarrassed to admit that I lost track of you for a while, because I couldn't figure out how to follow you on your old blog format. LOL! I'm glad I found you again and added you to my list. My weight continues to be one of the front-and-center biggest challenges in my life. It is always on my mind. Thanks for putting yourself out there. I am looking forward to being a part of your journey!

Bossy Betty 6/9/10, 10:40 AM  

Congrats on losing the weight. Go take oodles of pictures and love yourself along the way!

Babes Mami 6/9/10, 10:52 AM  

First, yay to weight loss! Second, get down here and bring your credit card I can not have you wearing diaper pants!

Debbie 6/9/10, 11:18 AM  

Nothing at all to be embarrassed about. You look good. I do love that neckline.

Maureen 6/9/10, 11:44 AM  

I just commented on V's post and I say the same thing to look great! This post really has me thinking.

The Crazy Suburban Mom 6/9/10, 11:49 AM  

Mimi - I think I made it not so easy to subscribe but I added google friends. Feedburner is easy though, I use that mostly.

Betty, I'm so not ready for OOOOODLES! LOL

Babes, Oh the credit card thing - yeah so... You must think I made this diaper pants thing a lifestyle choice then??? lol

Debbie - it was hard to post :) Not my best look...

Maureen, I can't believe she posted one too! I went there and she posted one of herself...

dddiva 6/9/10, 4:31 PM  

You look gorgeous, good for you.

I want to say- ditch the scale and go for how you feel. Period.

And as someone who weighed between 83 and 87 lbs most of my adult life, not on purpose or through eating disorder, just my metabolism (when not pregnant) not wanting pics taken was not a weight thing for me (it is now) but you look great, so, snap away!

I see your pics and think gee she's photogenic- I truly am not so trust me, I know the diff. :P

Maryanne 6/9/10, 7:36 PM  

All I'm going to say is that you are too beautiful to not smile. Congratulations on the weight loss and feel proud of yourself. You deserve it!

Janiss 6/10/10, 12:38 AM  

Tracy, please ditch the diaper pants now, I mean, YESTERDAY now and go out and buy yourself some flattering outfits. You are a pretty woman and you should wear things that make you feel good.

J Sedai 6/10/10, 1:42 AM  

I know your pain about not wanting your pic taken! I've never wanted mine taken, not when I weighed 98lbs, and not now when I'm 230, and nowhere in between.

I bet all the clothes in my box of stuff that I'm "waiting" to fit again (I only got to wear them for 6 months before I got knocked up with kid #3, and then couldn't wear them, and never got back into them before kid #4) would fit you?

they make me sad, but since they are all practically new I WON'T just ditch them I'm trying to be in them by New Year?!

you're an inspiration, just not in the wardrobe department LOL :P see, now I wish we lived closer, cause then you could raid my closet, and I could sew you pretty skirts!

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