The Crazy Suburban Mom: New post on NJ Moms Blog...

Friday, March 5, 2010

New post on NJ Moms Blog...

Please note:  New Jersey Moms Blog links can not be followed, the website is no more.  Many of the stories I wrote for them have been absorbed on to my blog.  One is here.

I want a C-Section!

Nineteen years ago I sought out every So you are pregnant  book trying to get a fix on my bloated, hormonal, weepy self. Armed with lots of knowledge about fetal development I stood in the mirror sideways day after day, waiting.  Since nothing of a bulging nature happened for quite some time, I read.  

A lot.

But before you could say hemorrhoids, I was sick of the Disney Princess version of pregnancy.  The talk of natural delivery so sweet it glowed moonbeams and dancing pink sparkly bunnies, the pregnancy good cheer; the chatter about sweet layette gifts and breast feeding and picking out a pregnancy bathing suit, and loving being pregnant... 

...And never feeling more beautiful, set me to retching.  And I was pretty much up to my eye-balls in retching already.  

At the time I read about these Cinderella Castle pregnancy moments I couldn't quite decide what made me feel more beautiful;  my pretty new varicose veins working a map of the Mississippi towards my ass or the constant sweating.
I was looking for pregnancy advice; I got strawberry-scented glitter dust. 

Nineteen plus years down the road I'm still puzzled by the articles and their singular dimension. Why did only woman with perfect pregnancies talk about bonding...  And breast feeding... And have the scoop on wipe warmers.... Yes, there were token I had the pregnancy from Hell stories, but that's what they were; token. 

As with all things there is no one way or the other, the truth lies somewhere in between Disney and Hell.

  My pregnancy, and birth of my son, involved more technology than an Apollo moon landing and was located more than a hop, skip and a jump from Orlando.  And don't even start in with, women have been having babies for millions of years and then got up and worked the fields.   That really isn't possible for everyone and for those of us that gave birth in the hands of technology instead of a doula; it's just smug. 

As an aside here, natural childbirth was never appealing to me but I had no idea how awry things would go. When I announced I was pregnant, people asked if I wanted a boy or a girl, "I want a c-section."  I told them.   Part of my answer was about seeing their expression;  but just partly.  Here's the thing: I was employed in the hospital where I was delivering.   When you're an employee giving birth, everyone from your boss to the cafeteria ladies stop by to cheer you on.

Because of some bizarre decision in  labor and delivery rooms your cervix greets all visitors with a smiling, Hello there!   Maybe that's good if it's your family or your doctor but come on... I knew the next time my co-workers saw me in the cafeteria they'd  be looking at my face but thinking - Grinning girly parts.

They wouldn't want to; it's a hard thing to forget.

See, there was no place for me in those mommy-to-be  articles.  I had a lot of intervention; repeated hospitalizations,  preterm labor, monitors at home, ultrasounds three times a week.  All manner of electronic and pharmacological pregnalia.  

I made it to thirty-six weeks.  He was, and remains to this day, perfect.  Did I bond right away?  No, actually I didn't.  Did I have a C-Section?  Yeah, actually I did, but it wasn't planned; it was more like the cherry on top of the messiest pregnancy Sundae ever.  Pregnancy is just hard for some people.  That doesn't mean you won't bond or don't appreciate the experience;  granted for me, mostly in retrospect.  And it doesn't mean  you won't be a good mother.  You will be a good one, just like the Disney Princesses.

You just might have a few more stretch marks and a bit less glitter.


Anonymous,  3/5/10, 10:47 PM  

Yep-and the same for me. i had one "natural" birth and c section and the section was by FAR the easier birth. Lost a couple of friends over it too because they had the disney version you mention and made me feel like crap because i just didnt LOVE every minute of the experience! Which then made me feel terribly isolated while raising toddlers. While you were having your son i had just had my daughter but in Florida-with we could have talked THEN!

J Sedai 3/8/10, 3:34 AM  

I know how you feel! although I've done close to natural child birth twice (ish) I've had to be induced (my cervix is Ft Knox) with each of my 4 children, the first came out just fine once induced, the second, well the DR was in a hurry, and threatened me with a C-section, and gave me a epidural (that only numbed my legs? and then didn't wear off properly) the third ended in an emergency C-section (got tangled in his cord! WAY tangled, nearly tore my placenta out) and the 4th was a V-bac, throw in vomiting for 6 months, and a belly too large to drive after that, oh and don't forget bed rest for the contractions every 3 min the last 3 months! and yeah I wanna kick those, " I just LOVE being preg!" ppl. OH, and I had 3 miscarriages that I had to have D&C's for in between the 4 kids, to get the 4 kids. I think, as long as baby and mom are healthy, who cares? (although I do recommend TRYING to not have an epidural, just cause I know how WRONG they can go, I do it from a non judgmental place tho.)

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