The Crazy Suburban Mom: Lance the Jeep, A automotive fairy tale

Hobonichi Cousin Planner in my Filofax

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Lance the Jeep, A automotive fairy tale

I know a lot of people think extended warranties are a waste of money but I almost always get them. This is the first time I've ever gotten one on a car (well, van) though.



See, I took one look at all the electrical fa-la-la in my big pretty teal parade float and nearly wet my pants. And when the salesman told me one of the doors (that open and close by themselves with the push of a button) had already been replaced I ran screaming for (a very expensive) all inclusive long term warranty.

My big pretty teal parade float had a few days left on the power train warranty when my left turn signal started going off, exclusively. No matter which direction I wanted to turn my big float signaled left. Fortunately I'd already turned that into an everything but the tires and windshield warranty.

So I clapped my hands with glee and brought it in because my extended warranty also includes a rental.

I'm thinking a small tuna can of a rental but nope, I can actually have another van if I want but I don't. The last thing I want to do is have to learn a whole set of new blind spots again. Honestly - that is a downside to diving a big pretty teal parade float. So I ask for something mid-sized having gotten creamed in the smallest car known to man (in the form of a rental) in '96 by a Jeep Grand Cherokee. The Geo Metro (and sorta me too) was totaled the Cherokee was undamaged.

I'm thinking they will hand me the keys to a car with, I don't know girly parts. Lighted vanity mirrors... Seat heaters... Maybe a gps with a lady voice. Nope. They hand me the keys to a Fire Engine Red Jeep Liberty Trailblazer. Half the size of my pretty teal float with a bigger engine. And tires.


jeep

It was an automatic transmission but had three (excessively phallic) sticks in the middle and shot testosterone through the bottom of my right foot every time I hit the gas pedal. Swear. I totally need electrolysis.

Well, okay. I needed it anyway but not on my chest.


It was an experience. I don't drive fast but I do pass sometimes. I went to pass this truck on Tuesday... Not so much because it was going slow but because all this schmutz was flying out the back. So I step on Lance's (Oh, I named the jeep) gas pedal and for a second nothing happened except the tachometer needle zoomed up and than Lance growled and the next thing I know I'm speeding past the schmutz spewing truck at light speed.

And I was all, Whoa.

I never quite understood the whole car/guy thing until than. But I can see the appeal...

I returned the car yesterday afternoon, kind of sad. I'm going to miss Lance. I said to the guy at the Rental Desk, I thought you were going to give me a girly car. That's the manliest car I ever drove.

He laughed and said, You could have had a van.

I said, Oh, I didn't want a van but I for sure wasn't expecting a car that insisted on putting it's beer down before it accelerated...

I made rental dude blush.

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8 Comments:

@eloh 2/4/10, 1:12 PM  

Sounds like you're sold on the hot jeep. I would be too.

The Crazy Suburban Mom 2/4/10, 1:29 PM  

Yeah, I totally want that car back. Its that obvious?

Tracy

CastoCreations 2/4/10, 4:12 PM  

ROFL I love it. I miss our Jeep Grand Cherokee. It was an awesome machine. I do love our F150 King Ranch ... talk about manly. :)

I NEVER get warranties. You can put the same amount of money away (even make monthly payments to yourself) in a savings account and have MORE than enough to cover any sort of fixes that are needed plus a rental. They try to sell them because that is where they make the most money.

Lin 2/4/10, 6:14 PM  

Wow. Sounds like you got your next car picked out. Nothing like a little power under your foot, eh? You gotta have power where we live--lots of traffic and passing.

I'm with you on the blind spots on the Parade Float. The Big Rig has more blind spots than a Helen Keller convention. I hate that thing sometimes.

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit 2/4/10, 11:51 PM  

Once you name a car, you know you're smitten. There's no turning back now!

Maureen 2/5/10, 4:29 PM  

Haha! Good post! Like you did, I still don't get the car thing. As long as it gets me where I'm going without problems, I'm good.

Felling better?

sundcarrie 2/7/10, 8:07 AM  

I love my Jeep! I never thought I would say that either with three sports cars and a jeep. It is not fun to drive but it is practical.
Also I work at an automotive shop and some extended warranties are a waste of money but they are usually not purchased through the dealership. They are the ones that you buy because you found an ad or someone called you.

Misguided Mommy 2/12/10, 10:54 PM  

this is a great post. I felt like this when my husband had his honda accord (i drive a yukon so i already own a manly car). i got in and hit the gas and all i could do was sing that stupid zoom zoom song from that old ass commercial. i was so used to my yukon all big and slow feeling that his honda just MADE me want to speed. Like I couldn't not do it. If there was a stretch of freeway in front of me, look out crazed mama with out kids coming through

oh how i miss that hondad

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