The Crazy Suburban Mom: Lance the Jeep, A automotive fairy tale

Hobonichi Cousin Planner in my Filofax

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Lance the Jeep, A automotive fairy tale

I know a lot of people think extended warranties are a waste of money but I almost always get them. This is the first time I've ever gotten one on a car (well, van) though.

See, I took one look at all the electrical fa-la-la in my big pretty teal parade float and nearly wet my pants. And when the salesman told me one of the doors (that open and close by themselves with the push of a button) had already been replaced I ran screaming for (a very expensive) all inclusive long term warranty.

My big pretty teal parade float had a few days left on the power train warranty when my left turn signal started going off, exclusively. No matter which direction I wanted to turn my big float signaled left. Fortunately I'd already turned that into an everything but the tires and windshield warranty.

So I clapped my hands with glee and brought it in because my extended warranty also includes a rental.

I'm thinking a small tuna can of a rental but nope, I can actually have another van if I want but I don't. The last thing I want to do is have to learn a whole set of new blind spots again. Honestly - that is a downside to diving a big pretty teal parade float. So I ask for something mid-sized having gotten creamed in the smallest car known to man (in the form of a rental) in '96 by a Jeep Grand Cherokee. The Geo Metro (and sorta me too) was totaled the Cherokee was undamaged.

I'm thinking they will hand me the keys to a car with, I don't know girly parts. Lighted vanity mirrors... Seat heaters... Maybe a gps with a lady voice. Nope. They hand me the keys to a Fire Engine Red Jeep Liberty Trailblazer. Half the size of my pretty teal float with a bigger engine. And tires.


It was an automatic transmission but had three (excessively phallic) sticks in the middle and shot testosterone through the bottom of my right foot every time I hit the gas pedal. Swear. I totally need electrolysis.

Well, okay. I needed it anyway but not on my chest.

It was an experience. I don't drive fast but I do pass sometimes. I went to pass this truck on Tuesday... Not so much because it was going slow but because all this schmutz was flying out the back. So I step on Lance's (Oh, I named the jeep) gas pedal and for a second nothing happened except the tachometer needle zoomed up and than Lance growled and the next thing I know I'm speeding past the schmutz spewing truck at light speed.

And I was all, Whoa.

I never quite understood the whole car/guy thing until than. But I can see the appeal...

I returned the car yesterday afternoon, kind of sad. I'm going to miss Lance. I said to the guy at the Rental Desk, I thought you were going to give me a girly car. That's the manliest car I ever drove.

He laughed and said, You could have had a van.

I said, Oh, I didn't want a van but I for sure wasn't expecting a car that insisted on putting it's beer down before it accelerated...

I made rental dude blush.

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@eloh 2/4/10, 1:12 PM  

Sounds like you're sold on the hot jeep. I would be too.

The Crazy Suburban Mom 2/4/10, 1:29 PM  

Yeah, I totally want that car back. Its that obvious?


CastoCreations 2/4/10, 4:12 PM  

ROFL I love it. I miss our Jeep Grand Cherokee. It was an awesome machine. I do love our F150 King Ranch ... talk about manly. :)

I NEVER get warranties. You can put the same amount of money away (even make monthly payments to yourself) in a savings account and have MORE than enough to cover any sort of fixes that are needed plus a rental. They try to sell them because that is where they make the most money.

Lin 2/4/10, 6:14 PM  

Wow. Sounds like you got your next car picked out. Nothing like a little power under your foot, eh? You gotta have power where we live--lots of traffic and passing.

I'm with you on the blind spots on the Parade Float. The Big Rig has more blind spots than a Helen Keller convention. I hate that thing sometimes.

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit 2/4/10, 11:51 PM  

Once you name a car, you know you're smitten. There's no turning back now!

Maureen 2/5/10, 4:29 PM  

Haha! Good post! Like you did, I still don't get the car thing. As long as it gets me where I'm going without problems, I'm good.

Felling better?

sundcarrie 2/7/10, 8:07 AM  

I love my Jeep! I never thought I would say that either with three sports cars and a jeep. It is not fun to drive but it is practical.
Also I work at an automotive shop and some extended warranties are a waste of money but they are usually not purchased through the dealership. They are the ones that you buy because you found an ad or someone called you.

Misguided Mommy 2/12/10, 10:54 PM  

this is a great post. I felt like this when my husband had his honda accord (i drive a yukon so i already own a manly car). i got in and hit the gas and all i could do was sing that stupid zoom zoom song from that old ass commercial. i was so used to my yukon all big and slow feeling that his honda just MADE me want to speed. Like I couldn't not do it. If there was a stretch of freeway in front of me, look out crazed mama with out kids coming through

oh how i miss that hondad

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