The Crazy Suburban Mom: Return of My feet are as Ugly as Cruella DeVille's Face

Friday, January 8, 2010

Return of My feet are as Ugly as Cruella DeVille's Face

In July I wrote the first post about my feet
being as ugly as Cruella DeVille's face.

It's here if you're interested. Although pretty much what I said was ...My feet were as ugly as her face if her face was calloused, cracked and looked like she could put cigarettes out with it.


Which I guess makes my feet worse looking than her face. So to recap - My feet are pure evil because they look like they want to make a fur coat out of puppies, can put cigarettes out with their feety faces, and have crevices that would make the Grand Canyon weep with jealousy.

It's had some interesting consequences. "Her ugly feety face" remains a top keyword for my blog. As does: "Cruella DeVilles Feet", "Banging my moms ugly feet" which is a rather unfortunate combination of two posts ( The Cruella one and this one) and "Grannies in panties with ugly feet" ( The Foot post and this one).

The mind boggles.

But for real, I had had it with the cracked callouses and all so I started looking for things for my Granny panty wearing Cruella faced calloused feet. There are some things I love. One's on my sidebar No-Crack Cream- it's great and it's cheap too. Kerasal is very good but not cheap. CO Bigelow Derma Remedy is very good with a great consistency but not cheap.

Two recent finds - Okay, first Be Natural Callous Eliminator interesting stuff and works very well. I'm not sure what it is but my guess is caustic, very caustic. That said it worked very, very well and it's not expensive.

But my new fave lotion is a recipe I got on a blog!


And it's pretty as pink frosting!

ColoradoLady has a fabulous blog in general but back in November she posted (here) a recipe for body lotion she makes. She gives it away as stocking stuffers, shower gifts, co-worker gifts or for anytime she needs a small, wonderful, gift. Seems people love it so much they start asking when she's going to make it again... She decorates little jars. I didn't have little jars but the lotion is what she says, Rockstar!

She has much better directions than I do and shows her little jars all decorated so please go take a look. But the basics are very easy and so cheap. She used dollar store products but I don't have a local dollar store. I went to a Rite-Aid and got the cheapest version of the three things I needed.


Baby lotion
Tub of Vaseline
Container of Vitamin E cream

As an aside here...

You see on the left there? That's Pyrex. Despite having lightened the Pyrex load my family still thinks no matter where you swing a camera around here, you hit Pyrex.


Like that's a bad thing?


Put all ingredients in (an entirely different) Pyrex
bowl, get out your hand-blender, and whip (a lot, a real lot)
until you say to yourself, I would so eat this. It looks delicious.

But c'mon...


I'm kidding. I just looked up what happens if you eat Vaseline and
you don't want to know. Although seems it's good for hairballs.

If that's what ails ya.


And look, I was even motivated to paint my
toenails (badly) after making Suzanne's Rockstar lotion.

I didn't have little baby food jars to decorate (she says it will fill nine of them) so I dumped all my pretty Rockstar pink frosting lotion into some Chinese Food take out soup containers. Just doesn't do it justice, but it's functional.

This is a very good cream. Because of the Vaseline it has staying power through at least one (usually more) hand-washing. Oh, right - This isn't just for ugly feet. This is an all-over pink delight. It's very comparable to the thicker 'winter' formulas available in tubes for staying power but it has a lighter frostinger consistency.


My feet don't have a relationship with any of the brands mentioned. Well, they have a sorta relationship. But really more of a thing wherein my feet use them and than toss them aside after the creams have given the best years of their lives and some newer, cheaper (Isn't that always the way?) floozy of a cream comes along.

Apparently, my feet have commitment issues

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Vonlipi 1/8/10, 7:18 AM  

Hilarious as usual! When I made the hand cream, it didn't turn out as well. I couldn't find the same products, that might explain why!

The Crazy Suburban Mom 1/8/10, 7:37 AM  

Vonlipi, I liked the post too because I got to show my Pyrex - which actually isn't too hard if I'm doing indoor shots :) I would think the things needed are kind of standard... Even in Canada, so that's odd. Maybe try the non-dollar store stuff if you tried the dollar store stuff? Hmmm

Jingle 1/8/10, 8:58 AM  

lOL! You are too funny. This does sound great, though. Maybe you could use a pasta sauce jar the next time you make pasta and decorate that! It will be prettier than the soup containers, but still all in one giant jar! LOL! I am addicted to Bath and Body Works Body Butter. I wonder if this would work as well as that? Hmmm.....something to ponder. Oh...and I totally need to go look up what Vasaline does to you if you eat it. I'm scared.

Lin 1/8/10, 9:50 AM  

How many calories are in that stuff anyway? I mean, just in case I have a hankering for foot creme.

Uh, here's my beauty tip: buy one of those little callous remover/smooth feet thingys at the store and use it every day in the shower AFTER you've washed everything else, so your feet are soft. Or after a long soaking in the tub. Lather up the bottoms of your feet and scrub away. When you get dressed, massage your feet with Vaseline (not a lot--just a bit will do so you aren't all slippery). Do another coat with lotion (any kind) and put a pair of socks on immediately. If you do this regularly, your feet will be nice and soft. This is my beauty routine unless I'm on "Survivor" or something and it actually prevents them from splitting and looking ugly and dry.

Um, my cats like to lick Vaseline--it is good for them for hairballs.

melissa 1/8/10, 9:53 AM  

I have the nastiest, calloused feet and I am on my way to the dollar store to buy the ingredients. Looks like it will work and if nothing else, could provide a good snack?

The Crazy Suburban Mom 1/8/10, 10:02 AM  

Melissa - Look into the Be Natural Callus stuff too. Or Callus Away if the Be Natural Brand isn't around. That was quite something if your feet are unearthly bad.


The Crazy Suburban Mom 1/8/10, 10:03 AM  

Jingle - Thats a good idea actually - I may have some jars of something else around. Off to find jars!

Lin, I do have a pumice things and yep, been using that since my resolution on bathing in the morning. Which um, probably sounds awful... sheesh

Kim Moldofsky 1/8/10, 11:36 AM  

It's the dead of winter and my feet are really dry and cracky. This post is well-timed for me, but I can't get over the idea of using my kitchen implements to mix up Vaseline and baby lotion.

Lynette 1/8/10, 11:43 AM  

That looks delightful and of course pretty in pink. But if mixology is not your deal I will attest to Avons Cracked Heel Relief Cream. Has worked amazing wonders for me.

Maureen 1/8/10, 1:29 PM  

Your whipped up potion looks beeeeeautiful! Yum.

It is so funny that you chose to post about your feet today. I was doing dishes a little while ago and I was off in la-la-land (as I am inclined to do) and I randomly started thinking about doing a post about my feet. I am going for my first ever (in my whole 50 years of life) pedicure! Cuz they're going to be sporting flip flops soon! More later...gotta run.

RE Ausetkmt 1/8/10, 2:53 PM  

here's a professional tip. soak your feet in warm water with baby oil in it and scrub off the dead skin with a dead skin file from the dollar store. then thickly slather on the lotion. put on a pair of cotton socks and keep them on. before you go to bed, put on more lotion and also a pair of socks. the socks help your feet to absorb the moisturizers. repeat this twice weekly and your feet will be as soft as brand new skin. avoid walking barefoot and you will also help to prevent rough skin on the soles.

trust me, I win foot contests.

@eloh 1/8/10, 4:27 PM  

Usually I agree with you. I generally always not just agree with you, but just wish I lived in your basement so I could play with you and your stuff... go for ride alongs sitting in the back of your vehicle singing little tunes whilst you foraged for more neat stuff.

But, I have to disagree here. My dear momma passed away last March... leaving me the title of Worlds ugliest feet.... I do not suffer to badly from the perils you mentioned... my ugly goes to the bone... a simple unveiling can make kittens cry.

I also am a fan of creams made out of other ingredients... this looks like something that would be great for my hands... thanks.

Tip: soak your feet in vinegar water to remove all the dead skin. I learned it from a nurse that looked like she might have been in France around World War One.

P.S. I'll have to go back and look, but I'm sure I must have mentioned my inherited title back in July...

Anonymous,  1/8/10, 4:32 PM  

I am soooo gonna try that! Looks awesome. :)

Debbie 1/8/10, 5:34 PM  

Excellent! My daughter and I are enjoying making some body products during her break. She would love this.

Vonlipi 1/8/10, 10:38 PM  

Did you try the Ped Egg? I got one for Xmas and it works great, but you have to be gentle! Otherwise you have raw hamburger feet!!!

Kimberly Aardal 1/11/10, 12:50 PM  

Do you put it on at night and then wear socks? Is it greasy? It does look good enough to eat! I have a Ped Egg and it is the only thing that really gets rid of the callouses for me. If I keep my feet moisturized they stay really nice and soft. I'll try your recipe for moisturizing.

Mary 1/11/10, 8:06 PM  

I made this and I love it! I made 2 batches of it and use it all over! Especially on my neck and chest where my skin is all thin and wrinkly from spending my teens and early twenties in a tanning bed.

I posted it on my blog and linked back to you. :) Thanks for sharing the recipe.

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