The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2009-07-19

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Why not all things vintage, rock....


I do tend to go on about the vintage thing but man, oh man...

While Carol up there is smiling and pretending she's Our Lady of the Happy Curler I am not buying it.

I'm sure it was a necessary evil but there is no way anyone was putting on a smiley face for real about all that hardware no matter what the Better Sleep Company says about their Inflatable Curler and Hairdo cushion of doom.

I'd rather wake up looking like Shrek.

If you use any of the vintage ads I'm posting I'd appreciate a link back to my blog!

You should be able to cut and paste the one below and thank you!

The Crazy Suburban Mom


Friday, July 24, 2009

Is a perfect purse too much to ask for?

I only like shoulder breaking, disk rupturing, purses. It's a sickness.

And ridiculous, as I've been told it's bad for me... but I want to carry everything I own. I get nervous about little, stylish purses. The little ones are like walking into a bathroom and seeing there isn't quite enough toilet paper. And I look at the roll thinking, Well, it's probably enough but what if it's not because by than I'm sitting there with my butt and everything else all hanging and can't get more?

I don't want a purse that makes me feel like my butt and everything else is hanging out. I want one that if filled would hurt me.

The search for the perfect purse is arduous and one that most woman never fully realize. I've bought everything from teeny organizer bags to cavernous totes only to be disappointed. Too small, too stiff, not enough sections, too many sections, straps too short, too heavy... There are as many things that can go wrong as their are purses.

I'm wondering what everyone's favorite purses are?

My current perfect purse is the Vera Bradley's Large Tic Tac Tote. It's nice and big (15¼” x 13¼” x 4¾” ) actually really big and will hurt me if filled, so I try to keep the load reasonable. (I really try.) Something about the girly fabrics keep the large purses from looking like a leviathan. And I like that.

They had a 3-day sale at the beginning of the week and I ordered my second Tic Tac Tote in the color I've been coveting since it came out in January, Green Cupcakes.


Till than the only thing I had in Green Cupcakes was this...


It goes on my key chain, the zip ID case I got for Mother's Day.

What's everyone's favorite purse and why? I'm open to exploring new purse horizons. Plus I know there are tons of organizing gadgets and whatnots out there for organizing purses... do any of them work really well?


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Keyword Freak Fest Hello Kitty Giveway

Want to freak yourself out? Find out what keywords are bringing people to your blog.

Hello Kitty is popular. The posts I've done on craft books, too. Chicken recipes seem consistently high. I was surprised to find a lot of hits came from the keywords yag laser and capsule opacity on the posts about my eyes.

Those don't concern me. I'm talking more about the darker underbelly of keywords.

The When did I say that keywords, as it were.

These are searches that picked me up:

  • naughty donna (my apron giveaway)
  • mom crazy party stripper
  • she's got Marty Feldman eyes
  • low-flow toilets
  • toilets
  • I hate toilets (I need to lay off the toilet thing.)
  • whips (It was innocent I tell you. It was a giveaway. Go here if you want to enter.)
  • naughty blogspot
  • pole dancing
  • wanna get lucky

So. I'm not sure what to say... but I want to get back to Hello Kitty. I was going to save the next giveaway till the current one was over but there's no time to waste.

I bought three Hello Kitty Cell Phone charms


And I'm giving them all away at once!

These are really cute and a bit bigger than some other charms. I'll include the strap you need to attach them to a cell phone but you could put one on a necklace or hang one off a purse, too. Oh, I mean your 4 year olds purse. Of course. We are way to mature to walk around wearing Hello Kitty or have her hanging off our cell phones.

As always, Ginger, my 14 year old mini pain, will monitor the giveaway. She dislikes Hello Kitty. She dislikes most things, but Hello Kitty in particular. She felt she was too dignified to monitor a Hello Kitty Giveaway.


She told me so yesterday while scooting across the living room rug.

I told her she didn't have a dignity leg to stand on at the moment. Ultimately, she agreed to monitor the giveaway if I made it about dogs ...And than scooted on into the dining room.

To enter leave me a comment and tell me a funny story about your dog, if you want to tell me about your dog. The dog thing was Ginger's idea not mine.

That's all you have to do. I've been reading other people's blogs and there are many that require lots of other things and ways to get extra entries. I have no idea what to do with that or what to ask and usually if there is a giveaway I want to do, I only enter once. I'm kind of lazy that way. But if you know other things that you've done for extra entries and want to do them? Go for it. Let me know what you've done and how many entries you should have and 'poof' you got 'em.

Ginger will monitor the details, I'm too ADD.

This will run until Tuesday July 26 at 9 pm Eastern Time. Good luck and remember there will be 3 winners this time.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009



Roll, roll, roll, your fat away...

I'm combining a WWW update with my new and maybe, but who knows, daily vintage ad moment.

The WWW update is not about the web, I know nothing about the state of the world wide web. The extent of that knowledge ends with whether the green light is blinking on my modem.

My WWW is the Weekly Weight Watcher update. All is well on that front. I stayed within the points and lost .8 pounds. I know people get down when their weight loss is in point-pounds and not actual pound-pounds so I did a search to see what the amount I lost would look like. I found a picture of what a pound looks like (thanks to


Now, this is a pound-pound not point-eight-pound.
But close enough and good riddance!

After looking at that gooey yellow globule up there?
I'm good with my point-almost-pound.

And on to the...


My intention was to find a weight loss or exercise machine ad - there are tons - to compliment my weight loss but than something else happened. I ran across something that I thought was a freaky weird exercise thing. On closer inspection it turned out just to be freaky weird.


I'm a little afraid to comment.

This was in a January, 1961 issue of House Beautiful. I've got all these awful thoughts floating in the gray matter and I keep remembering how I clicked the box that said this blog did not have adult content.

But my mind is boggling. Just. Boggling.

What did the town of Battle Creek, Michigan think of being famous for this? Did every one in Battle Creek have one? Or two? Or enough for a whole cocktail party? And if so, how did you hold your martini while on one these?

Beyond. Me.


Some Props for N-Squared*

My wonderful friend, Dianne, is an amazing artist and sometimes I list work on eBay for her. I used to do artwork in ACEO format ( 2.5 inches by 3.5 inches) until I couldn't see well enough to work that small. I'd been telling her forever that if she would do ACEO cards I would sell them for her; recently she started making them.

I love her magical style. Her fantasy subjects. And I love her giftedness which never ceases to amaze me.

And I wanted to share with you.

Title: Chorus

This wonderful artwork, while done in ACEO format (2.5 inches by 3.5 inches), is so much more. Titled CHORUS, this card reflects the artist's beliefs as a shamanic practitioner. Dianne Lorden was born in New Jersey and currently lives in South Central Pennsylvania and enjoys honoring her spirit allies in paintings and illustrations. One of them is Wolf. As triads are considered sacred in many traditions, this card used a trio of wolves to depict this powerful and protective helper. Available on eBay HERE .

* The pictures should be clickable to larger pictures on photobucket. And when your looking don't forget that these are done on pieces of paper about the size of a playing card using pencil, ink and paint. I'm taking the information about the card straight from my ebay listing.*

Title: Story Time

This card was the highly anticipated next addition to Dianne Lorden's South Mountain Sketchbook ACEO (2.5 inches by 3.5 inches) Series.

The card is titled "STORY TIME". Fawns are often "abandoned by their mums in the mountains. But on for a short time; they always come back for them. In the mean time, sprite keep the babies entertained with songs, dances and stories. Available HERE.

Title: Dew

This wonderful work was done in ACEO format (2.5 inches by 3.5 inches) by Pennsylvania artist Dianne Lorden. One of the wee folk of the South Mountains has used dew during her morning routine... as a mirror! It's a common practice, but is easiest done in the autumn, when the dews are heavier and linger longer. Available HERE.

Here's a little information about Dianne:

As a period portrait artist ( fantasy/medieval/renaissance) she worked at the New York Renaissance Festival and taught Renaissance Portraits for the New Jersey Teen Arts program.

She worked on several books/covers for The Hermit’s Grove Press, Kirkland, Washington as an illustrator.

An accomplished gourd artist, Dianne currently makes custom-crafted ceremonial rattles, bowls, and masks from gourds for shamanic healers. She also gives classes in gourd art and is a member of the ACAC and of the Pennsylvania Gourd Society.

Currently, she is on staff at the Adams County Arts Council (ACAC) in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

I am listing for my friend Dianne because she doesn't sell on eBay. I have sold cards for her before and she does have collectors here as you can see by my feedback. I'm not taking any money for the cards. All the money goes to the artist.

If you've never heard of ACEO cards, it stands for Art Cards, Editions and Originals. According to Wiki :

An offshoot of Artist Trading Cards are the "Art Cards, Editions, and Originals" (ACEO). ACEOs originated when some artists began to create cards to sell, in addition to trading among themselves.

But there is more at the Wiki link.

*If your wondering about the N² thing, it's from the Double N's in her name.*


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Happy Retro Tuesday!

retrotuesay stamp

I spent a lot of time in the last few days thumbing through my vintage magazines for the Retro Tuesday post. And nope. Not getting old yet.

I can't get enough of those quirky things.

I couldn't decide which direction to go with the post. I am fascinated by ads with the copious use of quotation marks. Clearly, quote unquote means, It sounds really good, and we want you to buy our product but, hey, ya know.... Wink. Wink.

And the kitchens. The kitchens. I had to stop looking at them because I was drooling and didn't want to water damage the magazines.

But thinking back to last week, the thing that captured everyone's attention was the Minute Hygiene contraption. Remember? The stainless steel box a licensed contractor bolted to your wall and attached to your plumbing so you could give yourself an enema while douching at the same time you bathed your infant?

The science of multi-tasking was apparently alive and well in the 50's. Who knew?

So this week I do Feminine Hygiene, 2.0.


This ad was in a magazine called American Home, 1948. At first I thought she was walking into a doctor's office biting her nervous lip and all... but look at the room. It looks more like her mother's bedroom.

I know, many a night I walked into my own mom's bedroom all biting my fretting lip and blurted, Mommy, Mommy, my girly parts, and Mommy said, There there, dear, you'll get used to them.

No Mommy, I don't know what to do, I need to kill every reachable germ and all odor causing clinging waste substances but don't want to impair the functionality of my mucous glands, dammit!

Mommy walked to the closet and hands me a bottle of Zonite, Look dear, no skull and crossbones.



The Tampax people and the Kotex people had very similar ads. They both looked very much like this, both offered to mail books in plain wrappers for girls and both had tons of quotation marks. Things like "that" day... "just right absorbency"and "accidents will happen" which I find baffling. Wha'st the big deal about just right absorbency and accidents will happen, anyway?

And that party just sounds creepy.

And okay, this isn't Feminine Hygiene but I couldn't resist. It's just so wrong.



It's an asthma medicine in three convenient preparations. Powder, cigarette or pipe. Googling Asthmador I found there were cases of acute toxic psychosis induced by Asthmador.

Lest you think I'm the only one fascinated with the breathing medicine/hallucinogenic cigarettes? Nope. It's on display at the Smithsonian American History Museum in Washington, DC.


Makes me wonder, like in 100 years ...will crowds of people will be
walking by my bottle of Xanax, pointing and laughing?

Makes you think, doesn't it?

As an aside, everyone (me included) seems to really enjoy Retro Tuesday. I was thinking about trying to do a daily Retro freaky thing as a separate blog posting. Not sure if it will work or it will be interesting long-term but what does everyone think?


Monday, July 20, 2009

Stupid O'Clock

I don't know the name of the roads I travel all the time. That is unless you consider things like, That right after the store with the obnoxious deli guys, the name of roads. I can't follow verbal directions. Give me a map. Draw something. Give me a diorama of the town and I'm set but tell me this right and that jug-handle and I may be nodding and saying uh-huh but you lost me on the first turn.

I've frequently been two seconds from blissful unlostedness when I made that fatal wrong turn onto the yellow brick road towards Oz and on top of that, everyone was right, When Tracy says hang a right, hang left.

I started using a GPS recently and realized my sense of direction was way worse than I thought. In fact, I'm surprised the GPS voice doesn't end every directional insight she gives me with, Well, well, well, if it isn't stupid o' clock in the van again.

I just thought I was a shooch more directionally challenged than most, but it's much worse. It's ... Well, I've prepared a visual with the help of NASA.

sense of direction

A good sense of direction is so far from what I have that it were a planet, and I were a planet the light from Planet Good Sense of Direction would take 200 million-venti-frick-a-jillion years to reach me.


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