The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2009-06-21

Saturday, June 27, 2009

As the gizzard treasure hunt commences the Pyrex bowl giveaway ends!

With Ginger's hiding last nights dinner through out the house seems I have a treasure hunt of sorts on my hands. Perhaps the first of it's kind.

And so, the gizzards have started to surface. You will have to forgive that I have no pictures. When I find them the last thing I think is, Cool let me grab my camera.

The first one turned up last night when I was getting ready for bed. I'd left my pajamas folded on the bed and when I grabbed them a gizzard fell out.

Gizzard number two showed it's stomachy self in the living room. I grabbed a few throw pillows while laying on the couch. I guess she had wedged one between the pillows. It was horrifying. It fell out from between the pillows. On top of me.

Now onto something better. Something that doesn't include internal organs....

The winner of the blue pyrex bowl is:


"who said, kitchen is blue! Pick me!"

And so she was, by (monitored by Ginger, of course)

Timestamp: 2009-06-27 15:15:56 UTC

Christa send me an email


Friday, June 26, 2009

Up to my neck in stomachs...

I did something stupid today.

I cook Ginger's food. I have been making it since the tainted pet food scare a few years ago. Doing this is practical because she's so small; I couldn't accomplish (read: afford) home-made food for a Doberman.

The normal mix is ground turkey, rice, a veggie or sometimes an apple. About once a month I add some kind of organ meat.

I buy chicken hearts and gizzards (stomachs) at the grocery store and add them for extra ooomph. Chicken hearts are easy because they are small and easily chopped. The stomachs are a pain. Lots of -- I don't know what -- I try not to examine them. But what ever holds their stomachy essence together is hard to cut. Ginger seems to like them and it gives her four teeth a work-out without being totally impossible to chew.

Today was organ day but the A&P didn't have the combo pack; no hearts, just stomachs. I was too lazy to cut twice as many as usual and thought Ginger would enjoy the challenge.

I put her bowl of gizzardy goodness down and went up stairs. I heard lots of running up and down the stairs and carpet-digging noises. I wasn't really paying attention until she jumped on the bed carrying a gizzard in her mouth like a mother cat holding her kitten and tried to bury the stomach in my comforter.

She must have hidden them all. There must be stomachs all over the place and I'm going to be uncovering them for weeks.


You'll never find them.


This is way more fun than cleaning toilets...

Ginger woke me at 3 to go outside. On the way downstairs I made a short to-do list. Check email. Make coffee. Let mind wander. Post wanderings. Clean toilets. I never got farther than check email.

Alltop, all the cool kids (and me)

Somehow, I made Alltop's Mommys to read list.

I was going to text my family but decided to post here instead. Every time I tell my son something I think will increase my street cred he reacts like I said:

Golly gee willikers! I just bought the THE most rad pair of high-waisted, peg-legged mom jeans ever! Aren't they keen?

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to bag my to-do list and shave my legs. Nothing says special like silky smooth shins.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Solitary Confinement is for the birds...

Being alone for long periods of time is interesting and it has it's good points, for sure.

I do find the longer I'm alone the more social niceties fall by the wayside.

Like hygiene.

And speaking in full sentences.

Because I don't want to explain the hygiene thing...

Did I ever show you Tazzy on the Ferris Wheel?



How 'bout Tazzy scaling the Alps?


It's possible I've been alone too long.


The Jamacian Declutter Fest 2009 or if it's Day 2 it must be time to bug the dog

Gee, I feel productive.

I've filled enough Hefty bags to feel accomplished but not so many I will feel like a whackadoo bringing them to the curb.

It's a good, satisfied, happy feeling.

Ginger's feelings are another story.

She is quite bored with the whole Fest 2009 thing and generally annoyed at me.

boring day

I just washed the blankets and pillows from her crate.

She much prefers them to smell like pee-pee.

Current Hefty Bag Tally



Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It's darkest before the dawn (or the Master Bedroom is almost done)

As the sun gently begins setting in NJ I'm ten hours into the Jamaican Declutter Fest 2009.

The master bedroom was truly awful. More truly awful than it was during the Jersey Shore Declutter fest of 2008. To keep it real... it hasn't been cleaned in over a month due to constant occupation, both day and night. The recent knee surgery and subsequent recuperation made this room impossible to deal with. Dusting would have been difficult; vacuuming would have been cruel and unusual. But I hadn't realized I'd bagged all cleaning until I actually started cleaning it.

What a surprise.

And a reaffirmation that ignorance is bliss.

I don't expect any other room to be this drastic although the Master Bath, which I didn't start yet, is sure to be it's own little slice of freak show.

Current Hefty Bag Tally



Down and dirty: The first phase of cleaning

I've been doing this type of commando cleaning -- Not to be confused with Going Commando (Please.) -- for a few years now. When my family goes away I have a week to do everything. And I try.

This year I will also try not to herniate a disk in my back.


There is a rhythm to it. An order. Albeit, at first, it looks more like 52 card pick-up than the sane progression of organization.

There is always an initial Down & Dirty period where the house looks much worse than before I started. Sometimes that lasts a few hours; frequently for a few days.

At the moment, having started on the bedroom, I've also tackled the laundry. All the laundry. I'm on my forth load. There is (help me) twice that.

Don't like laundry much (although I don't dislike it as much as unloading the dishwasher) because I hate folding it and putting it away. As a result clean laundry becomes part of the general daily clutter.

Ginger, on the other hand, loves laundry. When you take hot laundry out of the dryer she's on it before you can fold it.

Which is pretty much fine with me.



*The story begins here with the Pyrex giveaway*


The Jamacian Declutter Fest has officially begun...

My family's been gone about an hour (explanation and associated PYREX GIVEAWAY here).

I'm starting with the Master Bedroom because it's the most neglected room. Everything I read says, The master bedroom should be your sanctuary. It's not, it's where I throw things when I need to clean the public spaces.

Oh, Sweet Mother of Disarray, is it bad in here. Cover me, I'm going in....



Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm having a Pyrex Giveaway, Mon!

I'm not very social and need a lot of alone time so I don't do a lot of mingling that other people probably enjoy.

My family is used to me.

So, while the family is currently packing for Jamaica... Weighing the merits of zip-lining vs. seeing Dunn's River Falls...Trying to negotiate the FAA liquid limits...And generally getting their Jamaican ducks in a row, Mon.

I'm happily anticipating which room to start on.

For the last eight years I've passed on summer vacation to stay home and throw out everyone's accumulated crap, rearrange the furniture, faux finish the house and vacuum at 2 a.m. if I'm up and the spirit move me.

The first annual declutter fest resulted in so many bags of garbage (22) not only didn't I think the garbage guys would haul them away but I was mortified by the sheer volume of 33 gallon trash bags waiting at the curb. What kind of family accumulates 22 bags of garbage in 4 days they would think. What are they trying to get rid of? I'm sure there was much neighborhood speculation about that wall of garbage. What was in all those bags? Government secrets? Bodies?

My therapist - I talked about the garbage bag equivalent of Mt. Everest during a session that week - told me when she left a lot of garbage she always left a 6-pack of beer on top of the pile. At first this sounded like a great idea but on my way to the liquor store I had second thoughts. I began to envision a multi-ton garbage truck with a crew of garbage guys belting back a few. The truck was weaving down the road, giddy garbage guys hanging off ... Flotsam and jetsam spewing out the back...When one of the hallucinatory garbage-guy figments fell off the hood of the truck during an especially entertaining rendition of YMCA, I turned around and went home.

That garbage day I stood behind my closed door and watched out the peep-hole, thinking with every bag they would just throw their hands up and move on to the next house. They just took it. They didn't look at the garbage, than at my door, point and laugh. They didn't stand around and appear to be discussing what in the world could that family be getting rid of. They didn't seem to notice at all.

Each year there has been less and less thanks to my annual declutter fest and I no longer feel like I'm trying to dispose of bodies on garbage day.

In honor of the annual purge fest I've decided to have another giveaway! I was trying to figure out what to give away and realized I hadn't had a pyrex giveaway in a while so I asked Ginger what she thought. Ginger thought I should have a Tazzy giveaway...


"No one's allowed any love around here but me."

...In the end she had to just be satisfied that I wasn't giving away her muffins or snausages.

So here is my newest lazy gals giveaway.


It's a blue PYREX 401 BOWL!

This is one of the small bowls (no size on the bottom) that usually came with a set. This would have been the smallest size, I believe. Not the size of a family bowl of popcorn; more the size of a veggie side dish or small salad.

I got this at an estate sale and it's not new (in fact it's probably pretty old), there a a few flaws but it's a great bowl with a fabulous blue color!

I thought I'd use it but it really doesn't go with my kitchen. And my family is sort of at me about the estate sale thing.

A bit.

Kind of.

Okay, well, a lot recently. As in... Gee, I really wish we had a room for all your crap, I mean, treasures.

So for all you lazy gals here's the rules:

Comment by Friday, June 26th, 9 P.M. Eastern time and tell me what color your kitchen is! Mines on the yellow/gold side and I really have to stop buying pyrex that isn't!

One comment per person. As always, Ginger, my 14 year old mini pain will be monitoring the comment section for anyone commenting more than once.


If I can wake her...

***It would really help me if you include your email address with your comment and subscribe to comments on this post so you know if you win***


No matter how smart you think you are? Your kids smarter...

My son spent much of the last week eye rollin' me.

I kept telling him, be positive. That he had to stop with the dire predictions about rain on graduation (You can read about it here and here). That he needed to put the brakes on negative thoughts about rain and start telling the Universe what he wanted. I thought he wasn't listening.

Until yesterday.

Me: Could you do me a favor and drive one of the cars somewhere?

Him: I'm really tired, ma, can't you?

Me: Please?

Him: I have to work and I'm tired already.

Me: I'll give you $10. (I was really tired)

Him: Bribery, ma? Forget it, I just got money for my birthday, your 10 means nothing to me.

Me: Please? (That 'please' had an 'E' about 5 seconds long.)

Him: (He looked at me, smiled, and said) Why don't you ask the Universe to drive the car over there for you?

I almost laughed out loud, and although I ached to wipe that smug little grin off his face, I was secretly pleased.... and did take the car.


Monday, June 22, 2009

Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face!

First, I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I have so many words bottled up inside of me at this point I feel like the Turducken version of a dictionary (Which would look like a bag of scrabble tiles wrapped in a thesaurus surrounded by a Funk and Wagnalls dictionary... Now that I think about it would be more of a Scrab-thesaur-tionary than a Turducken.) Verizon is supposed to physically be here this morning to check out everything starting with my modem and than work backwards (my lines, connections, their lines, connections... ad ininitum)

But on to better things - The graduation.

In my post The rain in Spain falls mainly in New Jersey I told my son, It won't rain on graduation. And thanks to my good thoughts and yours, it didn't!



Just look at that crazy blue sky y'all helped me with!

I took that while sitting on the metal bleachers (my butt may never recover) at the actual graduation. It couldn't have been more beautiful. For all the great blue sky thoughts you sent my way you have my eternal gratitude. I actually heard my son tell a friend about it.

My mom can do anything. It's kinda scary.

Hey, it never hurts to have your kid think you have magical powers, you know?

All day there was more sun than clouds but the clouds were still fairly rambunctious and looked like they could turn into storm clouds.


That was on the way to the ceremony.

Don't you just love the New Jersey traffic?

But all day I just kept saying...

It's not going to rain...

But, ma...

No, it won't rain....

And all day I saw all the blog comments with the good weather thoughts. You guys are amazing.

And it just got clearer and clearer. Till there was that amazing blue sky smack above graduation.


It was a great ceremony and only about an hour and a half long. Even the speeches were great and only 3 minutes long. But the best part was watching the senior class walk onto the field to an original musical piece composed by an alumni of and played by the marching band.

I sobbed like a fool. Seriously, I was embarrassing. At some point I had to calm myself down because I was starting to have trouble breathing. The last thing I wanted was the kid to watch an ambulance haul me away.

I hope someone I know got some good pictures because although I dearly love my fabulous pink camera (Nikon Coolpix) it doesn't do long shots any better than it does close ups.


He's a high school graduate and I'm am mad proud of him.

Again, thank you for all the positive weather thoughts you threw my way. You made it a wonderful day for my son. And for me! I'm so grateful.

... And hopefully my internet problems will be over this afternoon.

If not all the bottled up words are going to explode in odd verbal ways.


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