The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2009-06-14

Friday, June 19, 2009

The rain in Spain falls mainly in...

New Jersey, apparently. It's been the wettest June in history. We've had rain more than we haven't. My son is plotzing about it because for graduation he has this many tickets (like a thousand) if it's outdoors and this many (like four) if it's indoors.

Last night I say, It won't rain on graduation.

But ma, he says.

Haven't you ever heard of the laws of attraction, I say, you get what you think about.

I don't get any words back. Just some weird combination of blank stare and eye-roll. I can't describe the look but it's creepy.

It won't rain, on graduation. I'm putting my order in to the Universe.

He walks out mumbling something that sounded remarkably like... OH MY GOD, shut up, ma.

I do get his disbelief. It's rained more days than not. It's rained so many days since I got my new grill in March I've only been able to use it once.... It's rained so many days since March that my plants are ridiculously happy.



Those plants are clapping their hands and squealing like

8 year old girls with new Polly Pockets.


And my lawn.

Well, crab grass... Same thing.


Lush and alive.

As lush as crab grass can be.


But there is a dark under-belly to the rain.

The dirt?


Is molding.


Ginger picked the winner of the cell phone charms this morning! Come see if you won!

I just did the cell phone charm drawing because neither Ginger nor I are high energy creatures.

By 9 last night Ginger was zonked out on a throw pillow.


I was similarly incapacitated.

The good news is I wake up way, way early. Early to bed, early to rise, right?

Here are posters that Ginger randomly selected, albeit practically in her sleep. I may be an early riser but she's more of a ...

Early to bed, get the heck away from me this early in the morning, kinda gal.


Venti Vixen

I am Harriet

Contact me at me(dot)parler(at)gmail(dot)com


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Paranoid, much?

My internet connection?

Not so good lately.

I normally post at least once a day but my connection is cutting out constantly and it's putting a damper on the posting festivities. It's just not fun losing posts. (I, do however, have a new found appreciation for Blogger's save button.)

Over the last few days I've spent several hours on the phone with Verizon tech support. I have an "escalated ticket" which means a machine calls me every 24 hours to tell me the problem is not resolved.

Which, ya know, I knew already. But whatev's.

This morning a live person called to tell me it was resolved, I shouldn't be having the problem anymore.

Well, I do, I said so I'm re-escalated.

I have no beef with tech support as they have been technically supportive. Originally they thought it was my modem, than they thought it was the line, now they are back to the modem...which I am told involves ME buying a new one.


And therein lies my problem.

The modem is max 4 years old, it's got no moving parts, it sits on a desk. I dust but only in a cursory fashion. Yeah, I pick up a duster sometimes but for Pete's sake, I'm no Alice.

What I'm saying here is ; the modem isn't futzed with. The thing hasn't been touched much in the 4 years I've had it unless tech support tells me to turn it off, wait 15 seconds and turn it on again.

What in the world is there to break? Why is it even reasonable for something that has no moving parts and is never touched to break in 4 years? I probably have cheese in my fridge older than that.

Wait, that sounds bad. Forget that.

My cell phone is older than that. And subject to way more futzing.

I've never had an iota of trouble with the line before. An isolated glitch. A wonky thing here and there... But not something that's gone on for months requiring escalation.

And re-escalation.

And given too much time when I couldn't access the internet my mind ran away from me. This problem has been going on a month, maybe two... and it started around the time they put the FIOS lines in my neighborhood. I think something happened to the DSL lines during the digging, commotion and general tumult of the FIOS installation.

You know? To nudge me into getting FIOS. Gee, I don't sound paranoid (much).

I'll update this post a little later with the winners of the cell phone charm winners if I have a connection


Monday, June 15, 2009

Beam me up, Scotty, I'm having a pivotal moment giveaway...

Pivotal moments come in all shapes and sizes. Some are fun, some are sad and some are a freak-show in a bowl. Here are some of mine:

1. The glass-encased head pivotal moment.

When I was about 2 years old my sister was born and my dad took me to the hospital to shove her in my face. They wheeled out a glass crib with what I was told was my NEW BABY SISTER DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HER?

I looked in the crib and saw a pink blanket attached to a giant, bald head which I immediately disliked. I didn't realize that my sister wasn't a giant bald glass-encased head until my mother brought her home.

I didn't like her any better knowing she had a body.

2. The Japanese food pivotal moment.

When I was 9 years old we moved to one of the little red dots in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on the globe below.

We lived on the Kwajalein red dot for 2 years and it was about as far from New Jersey (in every way) as one could get. I loved living on that tiny island. I loved living feet from the ocean no matter where I went. And I loved the new foods I was learning about much to the chagrin of my mother who spent two years yelling, DON'T EAT THAT. She was especially horrified by raw tuna, teriyaki turtle, and spam fried rice. She did however let me eat siamin (The Hawaiian version of ramen) everyday for lunch. I developed a lasting love of Japanese food on Kwajalein.

3. The OMG, it's got eyes pivotal moment.

I went to a seafood restaurant in my 20's and despite being an adventurous eater early on I had always eaten food that was sliced, diced or otherwise made to not look like what it came from. When my stuffed lobster showed up at the table whole, with it's antennae and eyes intact?

Not only couldn't I eat it but I became a vegetarian and remained one until my pregnancy forced me to eat baloney.

I thought of nothing but baloney morning, noon and night and by my sixth month Soy-loney wasn't cutting it.

4. The and speaking of my pregnancy pivotal moment...

Being pregnant was a freaky thing. Knowing there was an actual human in there? Growing? Freaky and pivotal. However it paled in comparison to the day they actually pulled a live human from me. I felt like Sigorney Weaver.

5. The was that my son that just passed me? Pivotal moment.

Despite the fact that my son turned 18 last week, I continue to delude myself. I keep thinking how amazing it is to have a child that old, me being only 23 and all. I always come to the same conclusion. He couldn't possibly be that old; it must be a weird clerical error or a hole in the space-time continuum.

This morning I was driving north, minding my own business and damn if my son didn't pass me going south on the same road. I was afraid it would be like on Star Trek when matter and anti-matter meet and the Universe ceases to exist as we know it... After a gigantic explosion.

But the moment passed without a major dilithium crystal mishap.

It was a Holy Crap-cakes pivotal moment if ever there was one and I feel about 20 years older than I did last week.

However... In honor of my son's birthday and my love of Japanese food I'm having another cell phone charm giveaway! This time I'm giving away 3 separate cell phone charms so I'll have 3 winners to the giveway...

Here they are!




As always Ginger, my 14 year old Mini-pain will monitor the giveaway...


If I can keep her from eating the little charms.

She thinks they look darned yummy...

The rules:

One entry per person... A comment is an entry...

Okay, that's it, one entry per person.
If you want to share a pivotal moment, cool beans! If not, cool beans too.

The giveaway will run until 9:00 pm Eastern Time, Thursday June 18.

I will randomly pick three comments and randomly give the charms. Sorry, but
you can't pick the charm...

I buy my charms from STRAPYA, you can check them out here


Sunday, June 14, 2009

An explosion at a laundromat, Ma? With a band?

Yesterday my son says to me:

"An explosion at a laundromat, Ma? With a band?"

...In a remarkably accusatory tone, I might add.

He was referring to my Jaws, the laundomat edition post and this picture.


I hadn't been hiding my blog, I just hadn't discussed it with him.

A while back I wanted to do a blog with him because he's flat- out the funniest person I know so we tried to find the comedic common ground. But I take too long to get to the punch-line for him and he didn't want to slog through all my verbage. Ultimately it was a matter of what I thought was funny wasn't exactly what rocked a 17 year old boy's socks.

I made my peace with the rejection and started my own blog. Truth is, I didn't think he even noticed.

"You've GOT to be kidding, you leave 700 tabs up everytime you leave the computer. One is Gmail, 699 are you're blog."


So I asked if he minded. He didn't although he took unbrage with the picture I chose for his room.

"You picked the messiest, worst, most awful, place in my room."

I shrugged and said it was the the most explosive.

To be honest about that picture? The room's only 10 feet by 10 feet so that shot pretty much is the room. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had five shots and while they all made his room look exactly the same, bomb-blastish, it wasn't the worst. That honor belongs to the overhead shot that included his hamper over-flowing it's banks like the Mighty Mississippi.

Much worse.


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