The Crazy Suburban Mom: 2009-06-07

Friday, June 12, 2009

Breathing treatments

Being a hypochondriac I develop every disease featured on medical shows, but that's not why I don't watch them. And while the current fascination with actors sticking their hands inside pseudo-cadavers in realistic autopsy scenes makes me bring up breakfast, that's not it either.

I worked in hospitals for a long time. Looking at doctors, patients and bedpans? For me that's overtime, not Gee let's sit around with a bowl of popcorn and watch this guy bleed out an orifice.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only one holding the remote during the day lately. Remember, there's been recent knee surgery in my house.

I still have the Ow, Ow, it hurts shut it off, it's too high Machine around...

And the beer cooler with pump

And Lord, help me...

This thing.

I also have the company of someone with nothing to do for whom the thrill of daytime TV has not yet worn off.

So yesterday, being the tolerant person that I am, when The Doctors came on?

I didn't scream CHANGE THE FREAKING CHANNEL ( a perfectly rational reaction), I just did my best to ignore the medicalosity. Staring at my computer screen worked pretty well and the medical banter was reduced, for the most part, to a thudding din.

The Bra Breakdown segment did get my attention because you gotta keep the girls above your knees (theoretically). But when I turned and looked at the TV there was no doctor, no woman, no audience. Just four enormous breasts. Sort of a before and after thing. There were two enormous breasts on the left side of my screen wearing the evil improper bra; and two enormous breasts on the the right side with the new perky professionally fitted one.

Why would any rational woman want her magnified boobage on millions of TV screens?

I shook it off and went back to the computer.

More chatting...Something else... Good natured laughing... A commercial...And than they moved to the Going Commando segment which I naturally thought was a segment about effective parenting. But as I said, I really wasn't paying attention and I'm kinda slow.

I didn't hear the question; but I heard the answer.

"I think going commando is great because the vagina has to breathe!” Dr. Lisa says. “It absolutely has to breathe."

From somewhere outside my web surfing mode I heard that and thought, And just what does that have to do with effective parenting, anyway.

Like I said, kinda slow.

I'm not a prude, really I'm not, but why?

Why on so many levels...

At this point I did yell something along the lines of change the freaking channel, although not that genteel, because I didn't want to see their next split screen close up.

I just didn't.

The one I had just seen? Four giant breasts the size of the Sta-Puff marshmallow man from Ghost-busters had already reaffirmed my decision not to get HDTV.

But this next one? The breathing vagina vs. non-breathing vagina visual?


See. As far as the breathing thing goes? I spent most of my time in hospitals working as a respiratory therapist. Breathing was my thing. Couldn't breathe? Call me. I must have given a gajillion breathing treatments to people who couldn't breathe.

And in all that time? Not once did I get a call that was even remotely like:

Tracy, could you come to room 314 and give a breathing treatment to Mrs. Calhoon? She's having trouble breathing. Yeah, uh-huh, still refusing to go commando.

I mean, where would I put the mouth piece?


Who's going to say Hello kitty to hello kitty?

Ginger was busy for the Hello Kitty drawing so I enlisted Tazzy's help. You may not know it but Tazzy has a relationship with one of the leading accounting firms.


After all the calculations, Tazzy brought the winner to me in a sealed envelope.

The Hello kitty cell phone charm winner is comment # 1

Here are your random numbers:1
Timestamp: 2009-06-12 09:55:08 UTC

Email me at me dot parler at gmail dot com!


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Jaws, the laundromat edition

Was thinking of picking up the boys room yesterday...


(Feel free to insert the theme song from Jaws any time now)


This is where the music gets louder and we all know

the helpless swimmer's gonna get it


It looked like an explosion at a laundromat

A laundromat with a band...


I'm gonna need a bigger boat...


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Who want's a Chicken Ice Cream Sundae for dessert?

I haven't done an estate sale SCORE! post in a while so I've got some catching up to do.

The first item I found in a charity thrift shop. It was $5 (including the shade) and I adore it to pieces. My families reaction was a bit more understated.

You got another lamp?

I understand their point. This is the third lamp I've brought home in the last few months but this one is so fabulously mid-century modern. So retro. So groovy. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to make her mine.

My lamp is so darned 50's it makes me want to put on a pink apron, a string of pearls, and rename my son, Ward.

And okay....if pushed for a rational reason for buying it, I do think overhead lighting is harsh and that was almost all we had until my lamp fetish kicked in.

Isn't is fabulous?


It's tall. Maybe 3 feet?


She's beautifully curvy, kind of bottom heavy just like...

well.... never mind about that...


And the blue crackled pattern on off-white is rockin' my socks off.

Moving on ...

It's Naugahyde, I think.

That's real faux leather to those in the know.


In blazing orange.

I bet it's at least 40 years old, or more. And it's so totally Brady Bunch! Can't you see Alice putting her sensible shoe up on this ottoman to tie it?

It cost me $4 at a Church rummage sale and it sat in my van a few days. I was undecided about what to do with it. It doesn't really go with my living room but re-covering it would ruin it's Brady-osity.

I took it out of the car at 3 a.m. yesterday and cleaned it up. It's proudly (and loudly) sitting in my living room. To my surprise my family loved it. So for now it stays (unlike the pink hamper which everyone wishes would go - except me.

If you want to channel your inner Jayne Mansfield you can covet the beautiful pink Da-Voon hamper here).

On the kitchen front I found these canisters at a charity thrift shop for $6.50. There were 4 in the set but only 3 or them actually went together. (There were 2 coffee canisters, 1 flour, 1 sugar.) Three were marked Metasco and one wasn't and the odd one had a slightly different lid and print.


Next is this cool bar-themed snack bowl


Very 'rat-pack' I thought... I used to have two but
one got knocked off a table and broke into a million pieces.

And the above nut dishes older brother...


The salad bowl.
It's very much bigger and MUCH heavier.
I think both of these were made by Libbey glass based on what I've read.
I can't find any marks but that might just be me and my eyes.
I know you can't tell how much bigger this bowl is than the other by these pictures. For this bowl picture a giant salad sitting inside...for the other a few handfuls of cocktail nuts
I thought this was a creamer...


Turned out it was a syrup dispenser from Log cabin syrups.

And I got a great old cookbook. The woman I got it from was selling things for here grandmother. It's a 1948 Culinary Arts Institute Encyclopedic Cookbook. It's a fabulous old cookbook and Grandma covered it with sticky shelf paper. This is the inside page.

culinary arts cookbook

There are lots of great recipes ... and a few freaky ones!

This one?


My first thought was...

Oh. It's a chicken ice cream sundae.


There are for sure some horrifying recipes amongst the gems!


A charming hello kitty giveaway

Remember this?


I got my order so it's time for the first part of my cell phone charm giveaway!

But first some background, I get my cell phones charms from Japan. (As an FYI, I bought these and they are my gift to you, they weren't supplied to me free). It's very easy and surprisingly inexpensive to order , to0. I find shipping charges in the U.S. to be really high. And there always seems to be this nebulous handling charge added on... Handle? Handle what?

I buy from STRAPYA WORLD and my shipping for the order was about $5 ....all the way from Japan! The site is great fun with TONS of stuff and it's in English so you can look at it without using google translate (which comes in very handy for Amazon Japan which I also love, by the way).

Here's the first or the charm giveaways!

Sanrio Hello Kitty as Ocean Queen
Riding Sea Horse

Sea horse is wearing a hibiscus hair accessory and pearl necklace.
Soft green cloak, crown and spear, Hello Kitty totally becomes a ocean queen
charm size : approx 2.7 cm/ 1.06 inch
fastener mascot entire length : approx 4.3 cm/ 1.69 inch

(I took the description straight from the site)

I know, I know.... not everyone likes Hello Kitty, in fact some people loathe Hello Kitty with a passion unequaled in this world or the next... but.. eh.... I'm not as mature as most people. Maybe it's a pathetic ploy to hang onto my youth... Maybe it's attempt to have the toys I wanted as a kid... Maybe I'm just weird but I really like Hello Kitty!

And you can always enter for an 8 year old girl you know and love.

As always you don't have to do anything but comment. It's another of my Lazy Gals' Giveaways You don't have to go here or there.. no tweeting... posting... whatever.
You have enough to do, dontcha think?
But please comment only once. Ginger, my small but mean mini-pain, will be monitoring the comment section.


This is her outside on her favorite lawn chair. She heard something behind her that sounded like someone commenting twice.... and started to snarl. If she had some teeth to back it up? It would have been a mighty fearsome sight. Without the teeth? I don't know... Looked like she got her upper lip caught in her gum again.

This will run until Thursday June 11 at 9:00 PM Eastern time.

It's a short one this time because I have more of these to give away!

I've taken off anonymous comments for the duration of the giveaway.


What's in the pantry today? Chicken and Mr. Clean Magic Erasers

I didn't want to have to deal much with dinner last night because of the whole laser beam thing so in the morning I threw some random chicken parts in my favorite marinade. I could have made my own or used a premium brand but my love for the local store brand knows no bounds.

America's Choice 30 minute Marinade by A&P is so good it makes me want to smack my mama. Maybe a whole roomful of mamas. It frequently goes on sale for $1 a bottle and it's better than any of the one's I've spent five bucks a bottle for.

So it's part of today's what's in my pantry? Marinated chicken.

An aside on brand names...

Sometimes they do matter.


Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

I tried for a long time to find something - Okay, I'll admit it - Cheaper. But nothing works as well and when I've tried another brand? I end up spending double because if I buy the cheaper version I have to go back to get these anyway.

Sometimes being frugal isn't about getting the lowest priced item.

That Mr. Clean eraser thing? I haven't a clue what's it made of but it's flat out the best thing for cleaning up the schmutz of life.

But these?



Those are the flavors I bought last time they were on sale (but they have others).

This is the one I marinated my chicken in today:


Dinner was very easy and very inexpensive. The chicken parts were on sale for $.69 cents a pound and the marinade was $1 (and I didn't use the whole bottle). My side dishes were a salad (a head of lettuce was $1.29 although so was my can of olives... But I really love olives) and rice, peas and some ham (Rice in the rice cooker, frozen peas thrown in when the rice was done and a slice or two of ham cut teeny tiny at the end.)

It came out really nice and there was a ton of food for not much money.


My son had to go to work but he and a friend came in after school when the chicken was in the oven and asked:

Smells like garlic bread. You making garlic bread?

I count this as a good thing. Garlic bread smells pretty darn good when it's cooking and it is something my son loves.


Monday, June 8, 2009

She's got Marty Feldman eyes...

Apparently my dilated left eye is disturbing my son.


OMG - Ma, that's hideous. How longs it gonna be like that?

Like what?

Ginormously alien.

Sometime tomorrow it should be back to normal.

Ma, could you not look at me with that eye until than. It's freaking scary.

How 'bout I look at you with my right eye and try to point the left one in another direction?

(Like that won't quadruple the freak-factor by a bizarre mile.)


Posterior Capsular Opacity or Does this laser make my ass look fat?

Yeah, so that title?

Kind of sounds like my butts too big for my jeans, don't you think?

Posterior Capsular Opacity.

While my ass is indeed too fat for my jeans, that's not it. It has to do with my cataract surgery brouhaha (You can read about that here) .

Posterior capsular opacity (also called Posterior Capsular Haze or Secondary Cataract) is the presence of a hazy membrane (capsule) just behind an intraocular lens implant. According to WebMD : The most common complication of adults having standard extracapsular surgery or phacoemulsification for cataracts is clouding of the part of the lens covering (capsule) that remains after surgery, called posterior capsule opacification. If the cloudiness affects your vision, you may choose to have a laser surgery called Nd:YAG posterior capsulotomy to correct this problem. A laser (Nd:YAG laser) is used to cut a hole in the clouded back lining of the lens capsule to allow light to pass through the membrane to the retina at the back of the eye.

I'm having a hole cut into the clouded back lining of my left lens capsule later today.

There are a list of risks but I'm not cutting and pasting those. I don't want to know. I'm nuts enough already.

Actually I'm way passed nuts. If nuts was a planet it would take a hundred million years for the light from Nuts to reach me.

When I hear laser? I think of Dr. Evil's plan: A giant laser on the moon to hold the world ransom .

And his demand for "sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads."

Which is probably what I will feel like in a few hours.


Sunday, June 7, 2009


Well Ginger and I were waiting up for the end of the giveaway period last night.

..and trying really, really hard to stay awake.

We didn't quite make it and both fell asleep on the couch.


Looks like the picture needs to be rotated doesn't it?



She wedged herself vertically between
me and the back of the sofa.
That's Tazzy in the background.

So I just did it now...
And the winner is...@eloh who was the second commentor.
I used a Random Integer Generator at

Here are your random numbers:2
Timestamp: 2009-06-07 18:30:36 UTC
Email me at me(dot)parler(at) gmail(dot)com

I know everyone wanted to win that.
I have a clue to the next giveaway which will be soon!
This is my phone.
It's old.


I like it anyway although I secretly covet an Apple iPhone (don't they rock?).
Okay, well maybe my covetization is not so secret... but anyway.

I love my phone because I can attach cell phone charms which on an Apple iPhone by the way, it isn't as easy.

I love how fun the charms are. I love the whole miniature thing. Mini things make me scream and clap my hands like a 10 year old girl.

Also, no one wants to borrow my phone because they are afraid they will give themselves a concussion (banging their head with all the charms).

Okay, so the hint is... the giveaway is not an iPhone... Wish it was, but it's not. The other hint is...The giveaway will start as soon as I get them. (I ordered them just for the giveaway)


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