The Crazy Suburban Mom: What's up with toilet paper?

Monday, October 19, 2009

What's up with toilet paper?

So listen, yesterday I had to buy toilet paper.  I was close to being out (as in rationing squares close) so it's not like I could buy just a roll or two. I had to buy so much toilet paper it required a cart.  I had to buy an amount that screamed THE ENTIRE FAMILY ASSOCIATED WITH THIS CART ATE BAD LINGUINE WITH CLAM SAUCE...  I had to buy a humiliating amount of toilet paper.



And so, like standing in the toilet paper aisle with the pregnant pause version of a shopping cart waiting to be filled with nothing but rolls and rolls of toilet paper wasn't  mortifying  enough,  I'm forced to actually read and process information.  Do I want the Double 12 rolls equal 24 rolls? Or the 16 Mega rolls that equals 36 rolls or the 47 SasquatchElephantineMonstrous rolls that equals 427 rolls?

Okay, I made the last one up.

See, apparently there a difference between the non-adjectived plain rolls  and  -- Hang on a sec, I'm taking a little detour here because, spank me everyway till Sunday but I certainly couldn't find anyone copping to just 'rolls' and if there are no 'just rolls than what in the heck are ...Okay, detour over -- BIG rolls and MEGA rolls and ULTRA rolls but damned if I can tell the difference without a complex series of algebraic equations requiring - I don't know ...a mainframe?

So, what's up with toilet paper anyway?


Katie 10/19/09, 12:39 PM  

Ha! Great post!

Yeah, I was in the same boat till I figured out that the Ultra rolls didn't fit (too large) in my fancy toilet paper holder. yeah, nice cause I didn't have to change it as often... but that doesn't help you when it won't roll because it's so squished. :P

Christa 10/19/09, 1:40 PM  

I don't even go by the Double or Triple... I go by the length, how many squares. The best bargain is the scott rippled single ply. It's comfy enough but you get alot more paper for your money. I rarely buy more than single ply now, it's just a waste of roll.

WhisperingWriter 10/19/09, 1:50 PM  

I just buy whatever is on sale. It's easier that way.

Anonymous,  10/19/09, 2:13 PM  

My bootie doesn't cope well with change, so I buy the same kind all the time. I try to stock up when it's on sale.

@eloh 10/19/09, 3:22 PM  

I admit, I have a love affair wipe hinnie wipe. I stock pile it. I'll buy anything except the old Army know, John Wayne's rough and tough and don't take no crap off nobody!

Lidian 10/19/09, 3:22 PM  

It is ridiculous and confusing, I agree. So we just buy generic double-rolls (which are NOT double, because they are cheap, but it seems like a good idea)

blueviolet 10/19/09, 3:25 PM  

It's so insane and they make it impossible to compare because of the assorted names used for sizes. I always just count the sheets per roll and go from there.

Maureen 10/19/09, 4:46 PM  

It's insane! Definitely a case of less (choice) is more (sensible)! No wonder my eyes glaze over in the grocery store!

Sandy 10/19/09, 5:17 PM  

I'm right there with ya...WAY too many choices...we like the ultra/mega/doubly huge rolls, 'cause we don't have to change them as often, LOL

invention addict 10/19/09, 8:37 PM  

After spending two weeks on the road for work. I appreciate the thought my wife puts into choosing toilet paper. I may need to pack a roll in my suitcase next time.

Brooke 10/19/09, 10:19 PM  

Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who sits in the toilet paper aisle trying to the do the math! I usually get the biggest rolls I can possibly find, and then they're so tight on the roll that you can barely use them when they're new - but it saves me from replacing them as often (lazy, I know).

chicamom85 10/20/09, 1:06 AM  

I do prefer the double rolls, since no one in my family can ever change the empty roll, at least I don't have to change it as often.


Lynette 10/20/09, 7:21 AM  

Scott 1000 seems to last this group the longest! And why is it that yes, only mom can put a new roll on?

Mary 10/20/09, 10:20 AM  

It's a conspiracy by the toilet paper industry to make your head explode. True story.

You can't comparison shop tp without a calculator because each brand (and sometimes even within the same brand) has a different square foot number for every package of 4.

Also, once I bought some with the big rolls and they did not fit on my holder.

I usually avoid the toilet paper dilemna by simply burying my head in the sand about cost and I buy the same brand (or two brands since not all stores carry the same ones) each time. I also get a package everytime I go to WalMart and the grocery store so I don't have the mortifying cart full of tp.

David 10/21/09, 4:37 AM  

You need to get a hand held bathroom bidet sprayer and then you won't ever have to worry about running out of toilet paper again. With these you can use a towel to just dry off (yes your own personal towel for those with no imagination) and it's much more sanitary. I think Dr. Oz on Oprah said it best: "if you had pee or poop on your hand, you wouldn't wipe it off with paper, would you? You'd wash it off" It makes cleaning the toilet itself a breeze also. For those of us who really like to be clean it is the best invention since the toilet. It is so much better than a stand alone bidet and this is why: 1. It's less expensive (potentially allot less) 2. You can install in yourself = no plumber expense 3. It works better by providing more control of where the water spray goes and a greater volume of water flow. 4. It requires no electricity and there are few things that can go wrong with it. 5. It doesn't take up any more space, many bathrooms don't have room for a stand alone bidet. 6. You don’t have to get up and move from the toilet to the bidet which can be rather awkward at times to say the least. Available at

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