The Crazy Suburban Mom: Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to throw up everything I've eaten since the 90's...

Monday, August 3, 2009

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to throw up everything I've eaten since the 90's...

Normally, I have a fairly strong stomach.

Except for vomit. A hint of a wretch and it's all over. This has nothing to do with that but I'm a quivering mass of ready to toss a lunch monkey thank you very much so if you have a weak stomach... move on.



Friday I noticed this lump on my back up under my bra. After some calisthenics involving two mirrors and a digital camera I got look.

It was a big red (quarter-sized) lump surrounded by an even bigger area of red skin. And it was sore. Really sore.

I did the normal thing under the circumstances.

I shrugged, named my lump Verna and tried to ignore her.

Over the next few days Verna continued to get larger and more pissy about being ignored; calling more and more attention to herself by the hour. Last night she howled every time I rolled on my back and even poked me when I tried to sleep on my left side. Considering she was only marginally to the left I was getting concerned. And awfully tired.

I woke up this morning exhausted and positively ill. I had a fever, was wildly nauseated and was unable to ignore Verna who continually pecked at me from the inside out.

I made an appointment with my Doctor because me and Verna? It was time to put an end to our tumultuous whirl-wind relationship. And it wasn't going to be pretty. It never is.

I waited all day for the appointment biding my time but mostly trying not to throw up.


I'm home with a remarkably small bandage considering the drama, a prescription for antibiotics and the sense of relief you feel after a messy break-up. And yes, it was painful and messy....and there were tears. As there are with many endings when one party doesn't want to go and one wants them gone. Very, very, very much.

In the end all I can say is... If you're faced with an infected cyst named Verna? It's nice to have a pretty blond doctor in a daisy-print dress with a very sharp scalpel who can assure you with a straight and honest face that not only is this NOT the grossest thing she has ever done, it's not even the grossest thing she's done this week.



Christa 8/3/09, 8:41 PM  

ok...I know this may be weird and gross...but I would have paid good money to watch that! I would have puked in the process, but I would have watched with pure amazement. That was my favorite part of clinicals in school, besides the endoscopy department (I would hide behind the desk until my teacher was gone so I could stay there and not have to go give baths on the 4th floor).

Mommy24cs 8/3/09, 10:15 PM  

LOL, this was the funniest thing I've heard today. Sorry it's probably not funny but the way you told it was ;p
Glad to hear Verna has gone :)

Anonymous,  8/4/09, 7:53 AM  

That is so disgusting. Glad you're better!

Lidian 8/4/09, 9:01 AM  

That sounds horrible! So glad you are on the mend now. Verna was no good, that floozy! ;)

The Crazy Suburban Mom 8/4/09, 11:17 AM  

You're all gems :) Thanks for the support and the giggles you gave me with the comments...

Verna went kicking and screaming. or maybe that was me kicking and screaming.

I don't know...someone was kicking and screaming :)


@eloh 8/4/09, 11:31 AM  

Was Verna just left to languish away in the trash can, wrapped loosely in gauze?

When you lock your doors tonight, remember to block any crevices under the doors and windows...Verna is "out there" somewhere searching for a new home.

The Crazy Suburban Mom 8/4/09, 11:34 AM  

I believe she was sent out as a culture. She was that disgusting. I caught a glimpse on the way out. She helped my dieting effort greatly that evening.

If she escapes there may be a remake of the Steve McQueen 50's classic, The Blob...

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