The Crazy Suburban Mom: The real reason I want to lose weight

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The real reason I want to lose weight

Last summer I was going through my photo albums and realized there are very few pictures of me. And almost none of my son and I together.

All those years of running from cameras because I hated the way I looked caught up with me. I either had to make peace with my body image and the camera... or work on getting myself a happier body.

Making peace wasn't going to happen so that week I joined Weight Watchers. At the first meeting the leader asked me why did you come today; I think they always want to know why today? Why not yesterday? Tomorrow?

And so I said in front of the meeting that I realized there were no pictures of me because I run from cameras and one day I would be gone and my son would have no pictures to remember me by.

And than I started to cry.

The leader looked like a deer frozen in a high beam. And no one else knew what to do either so the awkward silence was maintained for like 3 hours. Mercifully, someone finally raised a hand to say she tried a new version of the Diet Soda / Cake Mix cake and could she tell everyone.

And there was a collective sigh of relief to be moving on.

I went back a few times but it pretty much fell apart for me. They talked a lot about Diet Soda / Cake Mix cakes. Every week someone had tried a new one, sometimes someone even brought one in.

Its not that it's a bad thing to talk about (It's not a big deal really and since I know someone will ask - One can of diet soda plus one cake mix and 'poof' you have a reasonably dietetic cake. No egg/No oil no matter what the box says. Any flavor combo you want.)

But there's more. There's more to losing weight than finagling recipes around so they fit into your current way of eating. There's more involved in support than swapping zero point foods you've discovered. There's more self-discovery involved.

Wouldn't there have to be?

Anyway. When I went last week they asked me Why today? and I didn't say it this time. Although I knew it was still true. I said something about my pants not fitting and everyone nodded.

But I'm telling you the truth because I think it's okay to do here.

Cape May, NJ


@eloh 7/11/09, 8:13 PM  

Me too. There is one picture of me that I can accept of me as an old woman.

The years added to my face by the horrors my mother and sister put me through these last two years...will it go away? Will I ever just look my age again?

I guess I was more vain than I had hoped I was.

Vonlipi 7/11/09, 8:37 PM  

That took a lot of courage! I'm very proud of you! It is quite a journey you signed up for. Maybe you will learn to accept yourself in the process.

Love yourself, love life, easy on the cheese....A big hug to you :) Valerie

Kathy B! 7/11/09, 10:20 PM  

I think you sound like an awfully beautiful person. Try your best with the Weight Watcher's amd then be proud of yourself for trying... not for the number on the scale. You're much more than that.

Christina 7/11/09, 11:23 PM  

One of the most important factors in weight loss is support. Whether it is online,in a meeting, with friends, or by family... you need support. You need someone to listen and understand. I'm happy you made the step, but am sorry it is not the most supportive environment. I have also started trying to lose some weight, and it is not easy. I wish you the best of luck, and reach out if you want someone to talk to.

chicamom85 7/11/09, 11:47 PM  

You just hit a bunch of jerks. I have been to meetings where people let go and hug each other. Find another meeting, they don't deserve you. I am doing the online thing and I will see how that goes. I do not have 1 decent picture with my daughter for the same reason. I refuse to be photographed. No family pictures, not for me. That is sad and I am not ashamed to tell you that.


Charlotte 7/12/09, 6:04 PM  

I agree find some other group! The support is important, I have lost 30 pounds on WW and it's really the most balanced way to eat. The reason I joined was because my Dad survived a major heart attack by sheer luck and I realized if I continued to eat like him I would also have problems. Once I made it about health and not beauty, it made it easier.

mummyof5monsters 7/12/09, 6:30 PM  

i went to WW too, but it just didnt work for me ( I was overweight until I got pregnant with my son, 9 months of vomiting turned me off a lot of food) Good luck and *hugs* I love your honesty xx

BrnEyedGal 7/13/09, 12:26 AM  

I agree...You should perhaps try another meeting. The difference could amaze you!!! :)

You should be so proud that you've made this step to start the process...Congrats for that!!! :)

The Crazy Suburban Mom 7/13/09, 4:42 AM  

Thank you everyone. I needed to say that and knew I could say that here. Reading the comments and reading back my post I realized it sounded like I went back to the same meeting but I didn't... I went back to weight watchers but a different meeting. Different leader.

I think sometimes its a personality thing. There was nothing wrong with the first one, she just wasn't for me.


Mom Mayhem says: 7/13/09, 3:47 PM  

Oh-I'm glad you went to different meeting-Good Luck! I know sometimes I feel the same way-Not many pictures of me mostly cause I run from the camera.I hope it all works out ok.

Nicole 7/13/09, 6:33 PM  

I really love your blog. I plan on adding it to my blogroll. I was thinking about joining weight watchers myself. I have 20 pounds to loose. I'll check jenny craig out too! Good luck, and stay positive!

Simoney 7/13/09, 9:23 PM  

Hey; You are SO not alone in this! I realised the same thing in March of this year... I had a health scare and realised that if anything ever happened to me my kids would have nothing to remember me by - I was always the one TAKING the pictures/video footage etc and like you, I run from the camera. I decided then that NOT ONLY would I stop running from the camera (my kids LOVE me the way I am and it's ME they need to have a record of) but also I need to PARTICIPATE with them in having fun and getting out of my comfort zone more. Who cares if my butt looks big on a bike?? Who's looking if I am swimming in the sea having fun with my kids? Anyone judging me is not worth my consideration anyway. Heck, I've had THREE BIG babies; I don't have the benefit of liposuction or cosmetic surgery. But my body has done amazingly well and the few extra kilos I've collected on the way... I'm the only one who's bothered by it. My goal is now to become more active and healthy... and if I lose a few kilos along then way, all good. If not, my kids will certainly remember the FUN we've had together, specially since I've stopped hiding from the camera. x
Good on YOU. Great Post. xx

jenn 7/14/09, 11:52 AM  

Tracy, I'm right there with you. I have a constant battle with weight too...right now I'm slipping again. It happens, but we just have to pick ourselves up and try again. Good for you going to another meeting! I think blogging your frustrations is a great idea, and it will help you a lot! Good luck! :-)

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