The Crazy Suburban Mom: My feet are as ugly as Cruella DeVille's face...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My feet are as ugly as Cruella DeVille's face...

...if her face was calloused, cracked and looked like she could put cigarettes out with it.

Which I guess makes my feet worse looking than her face.


To recap.

My feet are pure evil because they look like they want to make a fur coat out of puppies, can put cigarettes out with their feety faces, and have crevices that would make the Grand Canyon weep with jealousy.

Want to know where I'm going with this?

My birthday was in March and my dad gave me some money to get something I wanted. Want is hard. There are so many things I need that want gets chucked to the back burner. I put the money in a drawer and waited.

Until a week ago when I found these.


They are called Women's Penny Slide Shoes
and aren't they adorable in all their brightly colored patent leathery splendor?

They are from and not only did I find something I really, really wanted but they were on sale for $12.99 and I got free shipping. So did I rejoice in my ability to get shoes that I loved for less than half price?

No, I did what any other sane woman would do.


I ordered them in a second color.

So what's the problem? My problem is the shoes are so beautiful they sing. No, really. They actually sing. Whole show tunes float up from my magical patent leather party shoes which makes my grumpy cracked cigarette stamping Cruella-faced feet even grumpier. And appear even uglier if that's possible.

I need some suggestions for foot care products. I know lots of you do reviews and I'm hoping maybe someone has done a review on some kind of foot cream that can turn my feet human again?

Pedicures are a wonderful thing, and while I think professional help would speed up the un-Shreking of my feet, right now that's not in my budget. So ladies, don't tell me how wondrous pedicures are... it will only make me jealous of the foot massages that I'm missing.

The soles of my feet are counting on you to tell me what can help them. My heels are decidedly uninterested, think they are beyond help and think being able to put out cigarettes is kind of cool. And my toes are wiggling with anticipation and telling my heels to shut up.


Christa 7/28/09, 7:54 PM  

well my grandmother would say Crisco and saran wrap...but that we her cure for a head ache as well.
Dr. Scholls makes some really good peppermint foot creams, they have an exfoliacting one, and then just buy a super cheap foot file and while your in the shower...after your feet have soaked up some moisture, scrub away. I used to use it all the time, but now I can't seem to find my feet under my belly (had to buy a full length mirror so I'd know my shoes match) and my sister is in cosmetology it just works out.

icedteaforme 7/28/09, 8:00 PM  

I have had pedicures, let me warn you they do not last.....they require monthly visits to maintain, my feet went ugly again 2 weeks after the I hunted around and found that it is a multistep process for me...and I have very ugly feet, calluses where they should not be...partly because i walk around barefoot ALOT at I know rough concrete like crevasses and so much cuticle the nail vanishes

I have used this item called johnson's foot soak and soap, as well as the CVS house brand(about 4 bucks for 6 packets), both worked equally well for me....step # 1 is literally soaking them in a basin with 2 packets for 30-40 feet feel weird after removal, then the next day step# 2 in the shower I use dr scholl's foot exfoliating scrub...rubbing off all i can in rough skin, it is a nice scent minty yet kind of lavendar in color(cost about 5 bucks and lasts a year)....then step # 3...i use that milky substance called cuticle remover sold near the nail polish remover, it stinks, is full of chemicals and toxic...but it when used with an orange stick pushes off the excess cuticle and reveals some toenails.....i also have a sanding paddle that i use once in awhile on the heels....that is is, I hate polish, so if I do anything i buff the nails.....but I try to wear sandals that cover most of the toes as well!

good luck I wanna hear your finds!

Kathy B! 7/28/09, 8:58 PM  

Soak your feet and then use a pumice stone to buff away all the dead skin and yuck. Then put Vaseline on your feet and sleep with your socks on. That's my best advice. Your feet willbe soft and smooth, but that's about it... It's the best I can do :)

Nancy 7/28/09, 10:06 PM  

People swear by the PedEgg (I think that's what it's called) Take some of that "want" money and get a great pedicure. You deserve it!

Vonlipi 7/29/09, 7:39 AM  

When I visit the U.S I always have to buy a HUGE supply (ok a couple of tubes) of Kerasal (one step exfoliating moisturizer therapy). I've had beautiful results in 7 days. You need to wash and dry your feet at night, put the onitment on,massage and put on some cotton socks. The best part? It's about 6$ a tube and unless your feet ressemble the Grand Canyon, a tube should be enough. After the treatment to keep my feet smooth and lovely, I use some kind of feet file and plenty of foot cream! :)

Jeve (aka John and Steve) 7/29/09, 7:59 AM  

Not sure. Just lotion those puppies every night before you go to bed. Pretend your feet are the Dalmations and you're Cruella. You want to drown them in lotion.

Mary 7/29/09, 9:38 AM  

Call your Avon lady and get a foot file and a tube of "Cracked Heel Relief Cream." It's the best stuff EVER. Plus you will be supporting a local business. :)

El 7/29/09, 6:25 PM  

I love my Ped-Egg.
And if you're not exaggerating about the state of your feet, using it will also give you an aerobic workout.

Lidian 7/29/09, 10:36 PM  

Pumice stone, and lots of lotion - any kind will do. I am a minimalist, as you can tell - but it does work! And I LOVE the slides - Land's End is the best! :)

Sofia Smils 7/30/09, 3:36 AM  

It's definitely not just you -- and I am not normally someone who even cares what my feet look like, but when they start snagging the comforter -- well, it's time to do something. Someone gave me some sample size packets of Curel something like foot therapy. I slathered it on good (it doesn't rub in well without lots of time) and put on some soft socks and slept that way. I swear that by the next morning after ONE treatment I could tell a huge difference. The I did the PedEgg before the 2nd night's treatment. They're like new feet!

The shoes are ADORABLE!

Six Feet Under Blog 7/30/09, 10:09 AM  

My feet just dont get talked about-I hide them with socks-even to go to bed. lol!

The Crazy Suburban Mom 7/30/09, 10:56 AM  

Christa - Ohhh peppermint sounds wonderful! and lol on grandma and the crisco - my grandmas solution to everything was prunes!

Icedtea - A foot soak might really help. I think trying that is a scary thought - who knows what might fall off? Im kinda scared of that.

Kathy B - that was actually a dermatologists suggestion as well, I was looking for a prescription but thats what he told me! No quick fix he said. Bummer

Nancy - Im thinking you didnt see my prior post about using the ped egg and my plantar warts? OMG took months to get rid of them!

Vonlipi - I know, that stuffs really good but a teeny tube is like a thousand dollars! in NJ anyway.

Jeve - LOLOL! Drowning my feet like puppies, they would like that - evil things that they are.

Mary - never heard of that but will check it out. a lady at the local grocery check out is an avon lady, or was...will ask her

el, omg, no no ped egg !LOL

lidian - my dermatologist kind of said that - and here i was looking for the big guns!

sofia - oh no. you didnt see my ped egg post either! lol..should have added a link :)

six feet under! lolol...

icedteaforme 7/30/09, 11:34 PM  

a friend of mine swears by Vicks vapo rub slathered on her feet with socks while she sleeps....I have not tried it, the whole scent would make me heave

my feet literally get so rough they actually ripped some sheets last month!

@eloh 7/31/09, 12:27 AM  

For nearly forty years I have said I was only waiting for my mother to die so I could claim the title of the worlds ugliest feet.

Don't push me on this could get very ugly, very fast...we could become viral on u-tube over night...then what? There would be photos, banned on most networks, there could be voting and of course. puking.

What I do, to keep the sight of my own feet from causing the dry heaves and the gaging to a minimum. They remain covered, and not unlike the inspection of a third nipple, the bare naked inspection and touching is done in a locked room.

Step one, a heated foot bath for about 45 minutes in vinegar, after about 30 minutes you start with rubbing them with dry towels to remove the dead crusty skin.

Step two, there is a little foot machine sold in the Carol Wright catalog, sometimes for 10 bucks but usually on sale for five. This is like a mini workshop, power tool for the feet. High speed rotating sandpaper in hard core and fine. Power off any remaining nasty hunches.

Step three, use above power tool in the mini belt sander mode to remove excess toenail thickness and excess skin covering where some portion of a nail lies.

Step four, lather with good lotion and re-hide feet.

Good luck

Kilauea Poetry 8/1/09, 2:54 PM  

Ok, my son told me to shave them..and it honestly works! Now I picked up a little tool that does nearly the same job from Walmart. One side almost looks like a cheese grater but finer. Anyway I was in the process of it the other night thinking about the economy; uh, and what would be at least 10 things other people couldn't do without!? It crossed my mind? Have a great day-

cmwheeler 8/3/09, 2:20 PM  

You know what works? Dr. Scholl's For Her Ultra Overnight Foot Cream. It's amazing (I swear!) Put it on with a pair of socks and wake up to smooth feeties. You can pick it up at most drugstores, or Walmart or even Target for @ $6.00. I love the cheese grater thing too. Good luck, (and I loooooove the green pair.)

Mom Mayhem says: 8/5/09, 1:06 PM  

I've been having the same problem! My feet used to be pretty-I don't know what happened?! It's like I caught the ugly/cracked foot disease from the hubby or something! =D But,I've tried a few things-The Ped Egg-Meh not so great to me,Love to get pedicures but even those don't last/cure my ugly feet,I've lately been trying this product called "Heel Balm" it can take a couple weeks and so far after a few days there is slight improvement. -Good Luck! :)

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