The Crazy Suburban Mom: Fiber is the new black...

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Fiber is the new black...

Do you know what you get when you dramatically increase your fiber and liquid intake?

It's mayhem. And I have no frame of reference.

When a doctor asks me, Are you regular? I don't even know what that means. I had hemorrhoid surgery at 23. And not that wimpy rubber bandy thing. I had the real thing. In-patient, knock you out, scalpels, and stitches and IV's. Oh my.

So this? This uber-regularity? How do people live like this? And this having to go at the library thing? I don't want to poop in a public bathroom. My son assures me it's perfectly normal, that guys do it all the time and his friends have had deep and meaningful conversations in school bathrooms. Each guy in his own stall, taking part in the group conflab, while sitting on a toilet.

The only pause in these transcendental toilet musings are the sounds of hearty congratulations when someone comes up with a particularly egregious body noise.

I believe him. I've seen his friends exit a room when they have to USE MY TOILET. It's a major announcement. An event.

Woman just aren't like that. If I'm in a room full of friends and have to go, if I say anything it's, I have to go check my make-up, or call the baby-sitter, or get a drink of water. I can not imagine saying, I'll be right back I have to drop a deuce.

And I have heard that from more of my son's friends than I care to think about.

I really want to lose Fat Elvis but I didn't know I was going to have to form an intimate relationship with every public bathrooms in a 30 mile radius to do it.


Vonlipi 7/9/09, 10:54 PM  

You are lucky! When I do WW, since I reduce my fat intake dramatically I get CONSTIPATED and even a stick of dynomite couldn't provoke a BM.

chicamom85 7/9/09, 11:25 PM  

Oh my that was a lot of information about you and your family and even friends. I don't know what to say other than I am off to "drop the kids at the pool"


mummyof5monsters 7/10/09, 12:46 AM  

hahaha my daughter came out with "im going to chuck a log" ewewew!!!

Nanny Dee 7/10/09, 2:03 PM  

So funny, so true! Men can do it anywhere!

You must get the urge at the library because it is the place you feel most relaxed! At the risk of offering TMI -- my mother suffered from constipation for years until she learned that walking into Macy's or TJ Maxx instantly helped her problem.

Dee :D

The Crazy Suburban Mom 7/11/09, 6:56 AM  

Vonlipi - yeah, hadn't thought of that. I think ww has changed recently though and the focus is on fiber lots and lots and LOTS of fiber.

chica - that was probably TMI huh? lol... but drop the kids off at the pool was GREAT!

mummyof5 - OLOLOLOL priceless!

NancyDee - LOLOLOL! Borders does it to me too..must be something about books.

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