The Crazy Suburban Mom: Why does buying toilet paper involve algebra?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Why does buying toilet paper involve algebra?

The need for all things to be new and improved is an exercise in frustration. Some things are really fine the way they are.

Today I was at the grocery store looking for two things:

Toilet paper
Formula 409 cleaner

You would think it would not be much of a challenge.

I went to the toilet paper aisle and first had to get past the designer wipes. What does that even mean, Designer?

Shaking off the thought of designer tushy wipes; I moved on down the paper goods aisle.

First, there is the ply factor and than do I want 4 rolls that equal 8 rolls, 12 rolls that equal 24 rolls or 18 rolls that equal 38? And what does that all mean when you add the mysterious ply factor into the equation?

All I want is, ya know, toilet paper. I really don't want to put that much thought into to it. I certainly don't want it to involve math.

With the Formula 409? Not a bottle to be found. They did have a gigajillion other cleaners all with natural sounding fragrances combined with coordinating non-naturally occurring day-glo colors.

Orange scented cleaners were the color of oranges grown on the grounds of nuclear power plants... Pine cleaners must have come from pine tress under Chernobyl fallout. And the purple cleaners? They weren't grape so what is the smell of purple?

Why can't I just find plain old formula 409, the cleaner from 1959? Is it not cool enough? Is it not new and improved enough? To be totally fair even 409 has new and improved versions (and even a purple one) but there's something about using a product that's been around that long that makes me think it actually works. And is safe.


Vonlipi 6/28/09, 7:37 PM  

Not to burst your bubble, but I'm not sure 409 is that safe...It doesn't exist in Canada, But please read the label...

Here I use local organic cleaning products but I find they lack torque sometimes (I keep Fantastik with bleach for real cleaning emergencies...) I find that if the ingredients are not listed it must be fishy....There's so much the companies don't tell us...Which is why the planet is so sick!

Have a great week,


Sandy 6/28/09, 7:56 PM  

Agreeing. Totally!

The Crazy Suburban Mom 6/28/09, 8:47 PM  

vonlipi - on no. You mean that stuff is more toxic than the day glo stuff????

Sandy, sigh.


@eloh 6/28/09, 8:55 PM  

I'm with ya... I just want some decent tissue to wipe off the old hinnie without any accidents of fingers poking through.

My time in the Army gave me my full to the gullit of the John Wayne ass wipe...rough and tough and don't take no shit off nobody.

Christa 6/28/09, 10:05 PM  

I use the scott one ply, that is really soft...not the rough kind, it had ripples or something. But figured it up and for the price, like $9.00 for a 12 pack double rolls, you get twice as many feet of paper (double the wipes)as with the two ply stuff that isn't nearly as soft.

Oh and 409...I'm scared of it. I used to use this stuff called "The Works" in my bathroom. I loved it because I hate cleaning the shower and literally I could go in there take a deep breath and hold. Squuee the bottle all around the top of the shower, let it run down. LEAVE the room, come back two minutes later with a wet rag, (make sure you breath before entering the room) and wipe, that was it. But now I use those "green cleaners" like natures source of something. It's "comparable" to scrubbing bubbles...anyway I like it alot better, and it takes the same amount of time, and the shower is just as clean, because I can actually stay in the room with having a siezure from the fumes.

Kathy B! 6/28/09, 10:50 PM  

I have this same problem... It seems some stores have proprietary contracts to sell certain brands. You just have to figure out who has your 409!!

The Laughing Idiot 6/29/09, 12:08 AM  

Sad to say, but I've used the same brand of TP since I was a kid - Charmin. Come to think of it, I use the same kind of laundry soap, dish soap, & toothpaste my mom used growing up. Huh, I guess the Mom knew something after all.

BTW - that purple stuff is awesome!!!! It takes the scum off shower doors just like in the commercials (without the time lapse even).

chicamom85 6/29/09, 12:54 AM  

So which toilet paper did you decide on???

The Crazy Suburban Mom 6/29/09, 1:46 AM  

oh man, now you guys scared the crap out of me! lol

The toilet paper I ended up with was scott mega rolls... 8 rolls = 32 rolls. However they figure it out it seemed like a lot and it came with a paper holder thingy in case they didn't fit on the rolly thing. But I've been using the big rolls for a long time so I already had the extended rolly thing.

And laughing idiot - what does purple smell like???


klawellin 6/29/09, 1:06 PM  

I would love to follow.
I am coming from the MBC 100.


Jeve (aka John and Steve) 6/29/09, 6:02 PM was so much simpler at one point!

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