The Crazy Suburban Mom: I hate low-flow toilets with a passion

Sunday, May 31, 2009

I hate low-flow toilets with a passion

In the good old carefree flushing days (like before the 1950's) a flush was equal to about seven gallons of water. Maybe more. A real power flush.

It has deteriorated since than.

The 1960's brought five and a half gallon flushers.

The 80's? A piddly three plus gallons of water per limp little handle push. I have no idea what happened to the 70's. My personal opinion is everyone was so wrapped up in the gas crisis that toilets were not even on the radar.


Today if you install a new toilet it uses 1.6 gallons.

I can't boil pasta in 1.6 gallons of water much less flush anything meaningful.

You know who's happiest with the trend to use less and less water per flush?

The people who make plungers, that's who.

Growing up I never even saw a plunger. Not once. I lived in a house with two of them seven gallon plus flush monsters. You could flush a Thanksgiving turkey.... Heck, you could flush the whole Thanksgiving dinner in the toilets of my youth and the toilet wouldn't blink... much less gag and over-flow.

I grew up blissfully thinking a plunger was something a plumber carried in his tool bag for emergencies. Like a Doctor carries a black bag full of stitches, foul smelling liquids, and pills. Not that Doctor's really are to-go anymore but still... Same thing. I don't keep stitches around the house in case my son rips open his knee (which he did) and I don't want a plunger sitting by every toilet.

But it doesn't matter what I want, does it? Because a plunger is standing beside every toilet. Like a soldier. At attention. ("Reporting for duty, Ma'am" my plunger says and waves his stick at me in a mocking salute.) And it doesn't matter how hard I try to make my powder room pretty because Sargent Plunger over there will make sure the bathroom maintains it's rest-stop gas station aura forever.

I know you can get pretty plungers.

comfort_2057_48169443

But that's not so much a pretty plunger as a pretty little fairy house to keep it in. And I have problems with them. First, I can't see the plunger which mostly likely looks like this:

plunger

And those?

Useless.

They wouldn't help flush a piece of sweet potato pie much less a whole Thanksgiving dinner.

So what's left? The allowed water per flush keeps dropping. And more and more I find myself experiencing that awful second... The pregnant toilet pause... Will it go down? And I'm standing beside the toilet, pants already up because it's taken that long, holding my breath and praying.

So yes, I can find a plunger with a little house. I can probably even find a girly plunger if I look hard enough. A pink glittered plunger and little fairies frollicking up the stick and I can even glue diaphanous angel wings to the top if I want to. But, to be honest, I if I can't have a he-man toilet? I want virile stud of a plunger.

The moral of this story?

A macho plunger may not look feminine and frilly standing next to my toilet but there is nothing that kills the mystery in a relationship like a toilet bowl full of drama.

16 Comments:

Full Time Mom 5/31/09, 7:21 AM  

I can totally relate. I always wish that the toilet will not have any problems going down. I don't really mind about how a plunger looks for as long as it does its job. That fancy house got my attention though. LOL.

tracy 5/31/09, 9:01 AM  

Full-time Mom - Amen sister!

JUST ME, THE MOM 5/31/09, 12:11 PM  

Hee Hee Hee - I'll be laughing all the day!

Kristin

chicamom85 5/31/09, 1:14 PM  

What fun to read. I have to laugh, we just bought a fancy "plunger" in a sort of modern looking shiny stand. It is standing at attention and waiting here also.

Anne

FlipFlop Mom 5/31/09, 1:37 PM  

OH my gosh.. I found this to be hilarious.. I guess something I truly never would have thought about... lol lol.... Thanks for sharing!!!

@eloh 5/31/09, 1:38 PM  

I think Oprah needs to address this issue. How are we to aspire to produce offerings the size of a baby's arm (to be considered healthy) if we can not then sacrifice them to our porcelain gods?

Venti Vixen 5/31/09, 2:53 PM  

My hubby is right there with you. One of his major complaints is the low flow toilets. I never knew you could get a decorative plunger. Learn something new everyday!

Charlotte 5/31/09, 4:00 PM  

You know what's disgusting is that I have plunge my downstairs toilet every day! So I end up wasting water flushing over and over again! And my plumber actually gave us an industrial commercial plunger for free. HE said, "With 2 boys you are going to need this.". I was so embarassed but damn't he was right, I use that monster everyday and it's so ugly I have to store it in the garage.

Digital Scraps Etc 5/31/09, 6:03 PM  

In my house, its not just the toilet, the pipes are too small! No poop in the powder room!! You have to do #2 upstairs. We're only allowed to tinkle on the 1st floor. Try telling that to your guests :-)

Simoney 5/31/09, 10:33 PM  

Hey Tracy, I am now following you from MBC Under 100 followers club; classic post, very funny. I don't just "follow" everyone - but you have earnt my followship. Would love you to visit me back, www.greatfun4kids.blogspot.com
luv Simone xx

The Laughing Idiot 5/31/09, 10:41 PM  

I hate the crap-ass low-flow toilets. My husband keeps saying he's going to Canada or Mexico to get a "real" toilet - nevermind either country is at least 800 miles away. With four toilets to replace, that's a lot of mileage.

I also agree on the standard issue plunger - it is ugly as shit. And it doesn't work very well. We have a blaze orange one. Instead of the crummy rubber thing that turns inside out, it's like a bendy straw, but it doesn't stay collapsed. I guess it's the next best thing to have a normal toilet.

JUST ME, THE MOM 6/1/09, 12:06 AM  

Hello there me again,

This is not one of my usual comments - instead I have a big favor to ask . . .

One of my wonderful followers is having such a difficult time this week, her missionary son serving in Guatemala is ill and she's missing him and feeling all the mom pains that come from being separated from a child who is ill. I'm hoping I can persuade a few of you to stop by and cheer her up!

http://themomshell.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-son-and-bug.html

I would love it if you have time:)

Kristin

Veronica Lee 6/1/09, 12:10 AM  

Hehe, Amen sister!!

Christina 6/1/09, 12:32 AM  

Amen! What the point if it's not doing the job?

marythemom 6/2/09, 11:46 AM  

LOL! I just posted on a similar topic not too long ago. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say my kids take meds that make them constipated and 3" in diameter, one foot long "objects" attempt to make their way down our toilets occasionally.

You think having plungers in every bathroom is bad? Try having "snakes" too. I would love to have a little fairy house or something to hide that! Has to be waterproof though as it sometimes gets very deep in there. *sigh*

Mary in TX
http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com

Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(12)
Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE 11/06
Finally finalized on Kitty(14) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!
Finalized on her brother Bear(15) on 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.

" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

Anna (Green Talk) 10/21/10, 12:53 PM  

When we built, we bought toto toilets which have large traps. They are 1.6 and believe me with 4 boys, they rarely need a plunger.

I know what you mean since I owned other 1.6 toilets in other homes. I also wonder if flushing has something to do with the pitch of the plumbing?

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